Justice and Desire
by A Christy
Summary: COMPLETE: Part 2 of "Luck and Destiny" (which you will need to read first, trust me) Nick and Alex aren't getting any breaks...
1. Default Chapter

_**A.N**_: As this story is basically a continuation of "Luck and Destiny", I wouldn't recommend trying to read this one without reading that one first... and it's a long one!

OK, so, my vacation was almost spoiled. I'd just spent the day on the Great Barrier Reef, then returned to the hotel and finally headed to an internet café to check my emails... only to hear that George and Jorja had been fired from CSI! Talk about distressing! Anyway, thank God they're back on the show and it's business as usual. I was worried there for a bit though. I was seriously thinking about boycotting the show!

OK, back to Alex and Nick... _Will they_? _Won't t_hey? Read on and find out! ;)

* * *

Alex hadn't moved from bed all day. Unable to quell her mounting depression, she had only gotten up to use the bathroom a few times. Curled in a fetal position, she eyed her bedside phone warily. It hadn't rung all day and she fought between being relieved and being extremely disappointed. Nick had undoubtedly heard her message by now- it was almost 6 pm.

She knew she should be happy because that meant he must believe what she said; that she needed some space. He clearly wasn't going to try and change her mind. And she wasn't sure she'd be able to maintain her resolve if he _did_ call her... especially since she felt a keen sense of hurt and regret because he _hadn't_ called her and tried to change her mind...

She began to drift back to sleep again and welcomed the respite from her misery. And that was when she had the nightmare for the first time.

_She was in her old apartment and James Meadfield was aiming his gun at Nick_. _This time though, when she threw herself at Meadfield's legs, she had no effect and he fired the weapon straight at Nick_. _She screamed as she watched him crumple to_ the floor...

"_NO_!"

Alex jerked awake, covered in sweat and with tears running down her face. She sat up and tried to stop herself from shaking. She tried uselessly to erase the nightmare image from her mind. She clutched her knees close to her chest and cried uncontrollably.

* * *

The next afternoon, Alex felt light-headed as she made her way to the bathroom. Realizing she needed to eat something, she went to the kitchen and managed to force down some toast. She looked at the kitchen clock and sighed. 3:26 pm.

Moving to the bathroom, she looked into the mirror with disgust. She'd told both Lisa Albertson's family and the D.A that she'd do whatever it took to make sure James Meadfield received the full penalties of the law, but the pathetic face staring back at her didn't inspire confidence.

_How am I supposed to be strong for the Prosecutor when I can't even face leaving my bed_?

She looked back at her red-rimmed eyes and stringy hair and frowned. She couldn'tremember ever being this depressed over a guy before. She'd dated Darrell for a long time, and even their break-up hadn't hurt this much. She couldn't seem to shake this horrible sense of loss.

Maybe it was that much more severe because it had all been so unfair; she hadn't stopped seeing Nick because she _wanted_ to, that was for damn sure. She was doing it because she _had_ to. She didn't want to jeopardize the D.A.'s case.

She frowned then, and had to admit that she was even more worried about endangering Nick's job. She couldn't bear the thought of him being hurt in any way, and she knew how much he loved his job. And as much as she wanted to put James Meadfield away forever, she knew deep down she was doing it more for Nick's sake than for any other reason.

She felt a solitary tear roll down her cheek.

_It hurts this badly because it's Nick_. _I'm losing him_...

She'd never met anyone like him before and she was fairly certain she'd never meet anyone else like him ever again.

* * *

Nick lay in his bed, unable to sleep. He'd been there for hours, but the sleep wouldn't come.

He stared at the phone on his bedside table and went through the same internal debate he'd been having for days; since he'd heard Alex's message.

_Space_? _She needs space_?

He felt anger and confusion resurfacing simultaneously.

_We only just got together, and it was so amazing_... _I can't believe_...

Then he thought about how Alex had been told about his past; about Kristy Hopkins. He tried to smother the betrayal he felt.

_How could she just give up everything we have without even giving me a chance to explain_?

He was angry and hurt and broken-hearted. And he desperately wanted to call her and try to tell her his side, to make her listen to him.

He turned away from the phone for the hundredth time and squeezed his eyes shut.

_Don't do it, man_. _She made it clear that she doesn't want to see you_.

* * *

The shift came to an end and Nick and Warrick hovered near their lockers. The tension was thick in the air.

Nick had snapped at Warrick earlier during their assignment that evening. Warrick had decided to keep it business-like for the rest of the shift and stayed clear of Nick as much as he could.

_Damn, is his mood ever going to improve_?

Nick frowned as he pulled off his work vest.

"Warrick... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped all over you like that. And over _nothing_. Man, I don't know what's wrong with me."

Truth was, he _did_ know what was wrong, and judging by Warrick's sympathetic grin he knew there was probably nobody on their nightshift team who _didn't_ know.

Warrick smiled at him. "Don't worry about it, man. If you were an asshole _all_ the time, it'd be a different story..."

Nick laughed slightly. "Thanks, buddy."

They walked out to the parking lot together, and Warrick turned to Nick.

"Listen, man... If you need to talk..."

Nick nodded his thanks. "I appreciate it, Warrick. I guess I just don't feel much like talking right now. But thanks."

Warrick nodded back. "Well, you know where to find me. See ya tonight."

Nick drove past Alex's place and grimaced. He didn't know if he could handle doing this every day. He hadn't realized that he'd slowed down until he heard a car horn behind him.

Sighing, he accelerated and made his way around the corner to his home for what would undoubtedly be another sleepless day.

* * *

Alex had been watching her alarm clock for the last 45 minutes. Finally, something inside her seemed to take hold.

_What the hell am I doing_? _I can't lay here forever_.

She pulled herself out of bed and went straight to her shower. Her hair was about as unwashed as it had ever been and she couldn't handle it anymore. As she applied the shampoo, her shoulder began to throb.

_I guess lying in bed for the better part of 2 or 3 days hasn't helped much_.

She decided to get a hold of Alison after her shower and find out what physiotherapist she used.

* * *

Alex climbed behind the wheel of her Corolla and began to back out of her driveway. She chewed the inside of her lip as she drove past Nick's house, noticing his Denali in his driveway. She fought the urge to pull in behind it and run into his house... Tell him it was all a big mistake.

She kept driving, heading for the coffee shop.

Later, she found herself with a physio appointment set up, and she ended up spending the afternoon with Alison and a couple other girls at Lake Mead.

She thought she was pulling off the happy, carefree act but apparently Alison wasn't buying it. After the other girls went for a dip in the lake, Alison turned to her.

"Alex, are you doing OK? I mean, I know you've been through some awful stuff, but... Is there anything I can do to help?"

Alex smiled at her friend's kindness... and her perceptiveness.

"I'm fine, really. Everything's going to be fine."

Alison still regarded her seriously.

"Look, this may be a bit presumptuous of me, especially because we haven't really hung out that much, but... You don't _seem _OK. You look sad. You're trying to be social and everything, but I'm not convinced."

Alex looked down at her towel, not knowing what to say. Everything had gone to crap for her so quickly and she didn't even know where to start. She didn't know if she wanted to even try to explain it all. Alison spoke up again.

"Look, I won't push it. But you've been through so much... If you decide you need to talk about it, I'm here, OK?"

Alex smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks, Al. That means a lot to me. I may take you up on that some time. I'm just not up to it yet, though. OK?"

"OK. But just know you can call me anytime. Middle of the night, whenever."

The other girls returned looking refreshed, and Alison remembered something.

"Hey, a few of us are going out tonight.You should come."

Alex looked at her skeptically. "I don't know if I'm up for that..."

"Come on, Alex. If you sit at home all night, you're just going to be moping. That's _unhealthy_. Trust me. If you start going out and _pretending_ things are OK, pretty soon you won't have to pretend anymore; it'll be true."

Alex had to laugh at her bizarre logic. "Um, I don't know..."

"Listen, it's an exclusive thing. A guy I know has opened up this swanky new country bar...

"_Country_?" Alex smirked. "I don't really do country..."

"It's a different style, trust me. Yeah, the music's the same, but he's trying to class up the image. This won't be jeans and cowboy boots... Chic nightclub clothes all the way."

Alex was still looking at her doubtfully.

"Come on, it'll be fun. What have you got to lose?"

As Alex hesitated, she jumped back in. "OK, I'll pick you up around 10:30..."

"10:30? That late?"

"Yep. You working tomorrow or something?"

She grinned at Alex, knowing full well that she didn't have a job. She'd worked her butt off for two years so she wouldn't have to get a job while she was in school. She'd wanted to be able to focus on her studies.

"OK, fine. But I'll drive to your place."

"Whatever."

"Well, I better get going. I'll see you tonight."

As she started across the grass, she already felt the sadness creeping back in.

_Maybe I can get out of this_...

Alison called out to her as she walked away.

"Don't even think about trying to cancel either. You're _going_!"

Alex shook her head and kept going, slightly amused.

_Man_, _what is she_? _A mind-reader_?

* * *

Nick climbed into his Denali and pulled out of his driveway. Again, he'd gotten very little sleep. He was pretty sure he'd _just _dozed off when his alarm had gone off.

As he backed out, he considered taking a slightly longer route to work tonight to avoid Alex's place. It had been particularly difficult for him to hold back from calling her today. Hell, it had taken all his restraint not to jog over to her place and _force_ her to listen to him.

In the end, he took his usual route. As he turned the corner, he drew in a harsh breath as her townhome came into sight. She was just leaving, making her way towards her car.

She was dressed up.All in black with slight heels, she looked sexy as hell and he swallowed involuntarily. She was digging in her purse for something and didn't see him drive by.

As he passed out of sight, he fought down a new wave of bitterness.

_So, she needed space to get her shit together_, _but she's fine to go out partying_?

He felt a dull ache in the vicinity of his heart.

_Could I really have been so wrong about her_?

* * *

Alex finally found her car keys in her bag and got into her car. She stared out through the windshield, not starting up the car.

_I don't think I can do this_.

Her new cell phone started to ring in her purse and she smirked as she recognized the incoming number.

"Hi, Alison."

"Tell me you're on your way. You better not be sitting in your car right now having second thoughts..."

It was uncanny.

_Damn, she's gotta have ESP or something_. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."


	2. Chapter 2

Nick's shift went OK that night.

He worked alone on a strange car crash case involving the death of the 70 year old woman who was driving. No other cars were involved. Since she'd driven off the road for no apparent reason, he was certain Doc Robbins would find a medical reason; a stroke or heart attack or something.

But for all intents and purposes, she'd been healthy as a horse up until the accident.

The puzzle had kept him occupied all shift and he welcomed the work. He was thinking about staying on for a bit of overtime to examine the car some more. He didn't think it would be a problem since he hadn't used up any O/T since... He frowned as Alex came to mind.

_The car_... G_o check out the car_.

* * *

Alex woke up Friday morning with a splitting headache and was completely uncertain of just where exactly she was.

She looked around and then covered her eyes from the painful beam of sunlight slanting through the window across from her.

_Oh_... _God_. _My head_.

She looked around again and recognized Alison's living room. Apparently she'd spent the night on the sofa.

_Phew_. _I didn't do anything stupid last night_,_ then_..._ At least not that I can remember_.

She stood up and felt her stomach lurch unhealthily. She sat back down and tried to stabilize herself. Finally, she made her way to the kitchen for some water.

She slowly crept back to Alison's room and knocked gently on the door. No answer. She pushed the door open a sliver and looked in. Alison was there, but she wasn't alone.

_Oops_. _OK then_,_ I guess I'll just leave her a note_...

She made her way out to her car, wishing she had her sunglasses with her. She squinted in pain as her temples throbbed and her stomach gurgled unpleasantly.

She finally reached her townhome after what seemed like a 100 years and slowly and gingerly made her way up the stairs. She was glad none of her neighbours were around since she was still in her nightclub clothes. She recalled how they'd referred to those early morning returns from being out partying all night during university: _The walk of shame_. She definitely felt very unclassy at the moment. Her stomach lurched again, and she started to wonder if she'd make it to the bathroom.

_Hmmm_. _I think I might actually be dying here_.

She grimaced as she searched her bag for her house keys.

She was so preoccupied that she didn't notice the SUV passing her home just then.

Nick watched Alex make her way inside and felt his jaw clenching. The fact that she was alone didn't make him feel any better about the situation.

_Big night out_,_ Alex_?

It finally hit home. She wasn't the woman he thought she was. And his sense of loss was now complete.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Alex's phone woke her up. Not fully awake, she thought it might be Nick, but then she remembered... She forced down the resurgence of regret and picked up the receiver. It was Maddie.

After trying to pretend that her life was rosey and everything was business as usual, Maddie finally pried the truth from her. After listening patiently to Alex's hungover, self-pitying ramblings, Maddie finally spoke up when Alex explained how she'd pushed Nick away.

"You did _what_?"

Maddie's tone was that of incredulity. Alex prepared herself for the lecture.

"Alex, we may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I have never before doubted your intelligence. Why in God's name didn't you just tell him the truth?"

"Because he knew the consequences long before this... and we still ended up together. He's not taking this seriously enough, and the D.A...."

"Alex, he's an adult. He can make his own decisions. You didn't even give him the _choice_."

"Well, I won't be to blame for him getting into trouble, or worse, _fired_. And then there's how it would all look in court-"

"OK, let me put it this way: Didn't Nick do virtually the same thing to you just before you came back to Vancouver? Pulled back without telling you the reason?"

"Yeah, so?"

"How did that make you feel?"

"Don't play psychiatrist with me, Maddie. You _know_ how it made me feel."

"Exactly. And afterward you probably thought he should have trusted you with the _truth_, right?" Alex had no reply for that and Maddie went on. "So how do you think Nick's feeling right now? As bad as you did... and probably 10 times worse since you'd finally gotten around to admitting your feelings for each other."

Alex felt a dull ache in the region of her heart.

"I _know_ this, Maddie. But it's too late. I did what I had to do and now I have to live with it."

Maddie sighed into the phone. "Yeah, you did. And it was a bad decison, Alex. You can't mess with people's feelings like this. I like Nick and I think he deserves better. He deserves the truth." Alex could almost hear her frown. "But you've made your bed."

"Maddie..."

"I know, I know. _Whatever_." She paused and Alex knew she was trying to push down her annoyance. "Anyway, mom and dad want to come down for the preliminary hearing, so..."

"No, Maddie... It's not necessary. It'll be quick, I'm sure. Tell them to wait for the regular trial. There's no sense in them coming yet."

She finally convinced Maddie they didn't need to come, and left it up to her sister to convince her parents.

After they hung up, Alex felt renewed despair threatening to overwhelm her. The conversation with Maddie, combined with her hangover brought everything back home for her and she felt the depression taking hold again. Crawling back into her bed, she pulled her comforter over her head and cried into her pillow.

* * *

Nick had seriously considered going away for the weekend, and now as he sat looking at his extremely clean livingroom, he regretted not going somewhere.

He'd hardly cleaned all week, but in a frenzy of energy last night, he'd cleaned the entire place. It had all started when he'd sat on his sofa trying to decide what to do with his first night off, and he'd immediately remembered how he'd spent his_ last_ Friday evening... Before his imagination took over, he'd started a load of laundry and begun vacuming.

He looked around his place. Short of rearranging the furniture, there was nothing left to do here.

_The gym_. _I'm going to the gym_. _Hopefully I can work off some of this frustration_...

* * *

After spending all day Friday hungover, depressed and in bed, Alex was tempted to follow suit Saturday and stay in bed again, but the phone ringing snapped her out of her vegetative state. It was Alison.

"Oh, Al... I'm so sorry if I was a pain in the ass the other night. I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing?"

She heard her friend laughing on the other end of the line.

"Well, there was that _one _thing..." She paused for effect and Alex cringed.

_Oh God_. _What did I do_?

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. You were fine. _Drunk_, but fine."

"Really?"

"Yep. You started to pass out so we brought you home. How'd you feel in the morning?"

"Like absolute shit, naturally. Man, I hadn't even planned on drinking..."

"Ah, nobody ever does. But guys kept buying you drinks, so I think for a while you were just being polite. Although you still managed to blow them _all_ off."

Alex smirked. "I guess I wasn't in the mood."

Alison snorted on the other end. "Yeah, _no_ _kidding_."

Alex frowned into the phone. "What do you mean '_no kidding_'?"

_Something about her tone_...

Alison began back-peddling. "Well, you were drunk and clearly not interested in any of the guys. That's all I meant."

She didn't feel the need to mention the central focus of Alex's drunken ramblings that night...

"Oh, man. Was I a bitch?"

"No, no... just drunk; and pretty incoherent for the most part, so even if you were being bitchy, nobody could tell anyway."

They both laughed.

"Oh, _great_. I must have been a barrell of laughs. I hope I didn't ruin everybody's night."

"Well, you didn't ruin mine, that's for sure."

Alex smirked as she thought of the muscled arm snuggled around Alison the next morning.

"And honestly, you were more entertaining than anything. You kept us all chuckling."

Alex snorted. "Well, I'm glad I was entertaining at least."

They finished off their converstaion and Alex promised to visit her Monday when she returned to doing morning shifts at the cafe.

As she hung up, Alex looked around her place. As usual, her mind strayed back to thoughts of Nick. She chewed the inside of her lip.

_I've got to keep busy_. _I think it's time to give the new place the once over_...

* * *

In his hospital bed, James Meadfield opened his eyes and looked around. His sister sat in a chair by the window looking distracted. Thankfully, his mother was nowhere in sight.

"Lauren?"

He barely choked the word out through his dry mouth. She turned quickly at the sound, surprised. He'd come out of the coma days ago, but he'd been drifting in and out of consciousness the whole week and hadn't spoken at all until now.

"James? You're finally awake..."

She saw the intelligence shining in his eyes once again and realized he was finally fully conscious. She frowned.

"James, what have you done? We can't possibly cover this up this time. And mother's _livid_..."

As if on cue, Margaret Meadfield entered the room, walking past the policeman outside the door and closing it quickly behind her.

"For God's sake Lauren, leave him be. He's only just woken up."

She tried to look at her son with a mother's sypathetic gaze, but she didn't quite pull it off. She'd never managed to do it, for as long as both her children could remember. She, of course, was oblivious to her own maternal failings and considered herself the epitome of motherly love.

James blinked at his mother through medicated eyes. He was vaguely aware of a distant pain or two, but they didn't really bother him overly much. The last thing he could remember was feeling certain he was dying, and then it had all gone black. He looked back at his mother and his insipid sister.

_Maybe I'm in hell afterall_...

He strained to speak. "Get me... water."

Lauren hurried to pour him a glass and Margaret spoke up, commanding her daughter.

"Lauren, go fetch a doctor... but take your time."

She wanted a moment alone with her son before anyone else knew he was finally completely conscious.

* * *

Nick was in the shower, trying to release some of the tension in his weary body. He'd gone hard at the gym that day in an attempt to burn off some of his pent up frustrations. The hot spray flowed over him and he sighed appreciatively, his eyes closed.

"_Nick_..."

He pulled his face from the falling stream and looked through the shower doors. He could have sworn...

As he moved his face nearer to the glass and peered into the bathroom beyond, he thought he saw a flash of movement... His eyes widened as Alex slowly emerged from the mist, clad only in a small white towel. She was smiling at him as she came near.

He gulped. "Alex?"

Her towel dropped to the floor and she slid the shower door open. She watched him, smiling as she slipped inside. He stared back in shock, unable to move.

As the spray reached her, he watched as the water dripped down her naked body, sliding down her breasts... His gaze was drawn to where the slight patch of down between her legs began to glisten, and the water streamed down her hips, her legs... He felt himself stiffening.

She moved closer, one hand outstretched. He drew in a breath as her fingers caressed his cheek. She lay her other hand on his chest and he was aching to touch her back, but still found that he was unable to move.

Her hand slid behind his neck and she gently drew his head down towards her, her eyes looking longingly into his. As their lips finally met, energy pulsed through him and he finally found the strength to wrap his arms around her, pulling her tightly against his throbbing body. He kissed her hungrily, unable to taste enough of her.

She clutched at him, matching his passion in her own kisses. His hands massaged her back and slowly slid down to her bottom, pulling her even closer against his erection. He groaned into her mouth, loving the feel of her against him again.

She pulled back from his mouth slightly and smiled shyly at him. Her hands slid down his wet chest, and then her head dipped down to follow their path. He shivered as her lips touched him, the sensation mingling erotically with the spray from the shower.

She began to slide lower down his body and he had to lean back against the wall for support as her tongue massaged his belly button, her hands clutching at his hips. He thought he might lose control as he felt her hands slide down his hips to his thighs and her lips trailed down below his stomach...

All at once, the sensations stopped and he could no longer feel her touching him. He looked down in confusion...

She was gone.

He looked around but he couldn't see her through the glass doors. He climbed from the shower calling her name, but he didn't see her anywhere. The steam in the bathroom was so thick he could no longer see the walls around him, or even the shower he'd just stepped out of. He felt a moment of panic as he looked around him wildly.

_Alex_?

Nick's eyes flew open and he found himself staring at his bedroom ceiling. He felt momentarily disoriented and sat up in his bed. Slowly, comprehension dawned on him and he laid back down, disappointment overwhelming him.

_Fuck_.

He put his hands over his face and tried to get his pulse to stop racing. He frowned as he recognized the pulsations emanating from his pelvic region, and looked down at his arousal pushing against the sheet. He stared up at the ceiling miserably.

_Fuck Fuck Fuck_.

He sighed and closed his eyes as he reached down below the sheet. He tried to resurrect the Alex of his dream in his mind again, hoping to bring himself to the point of release that she'd been promising him...


	3. Chapter 3

Her house fully cleaned and her imagination threatening to take her places she didn't need to go right now, Alex decided to do some mindless wandering on The Strip, desperate for distractions.

After several hours of window shopping, she started to feel overwhelmed by the crowds as she left the shops at Caesar's Palace. She spotted an out of the way alcove at the base of the escalator and made her way over, trying to regain her composure. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her mind. She leaned against a wall, gradually feeling her senses returning to normal.

Out of nowhere, she felt a hand gripping her arm and she turned in surprise to find a steely-eyed older woman glaring at her. The woman's grip tightened as Alex stared back at her in confusion.

"What are you...?"

"_You stupid little bitch_. Thanks to you, my family is in shambles."

"Who..." Alex stopped as she looked into the woman's strangely familiar cold eyes.

_She must be_...

"Listen to me, you little whore: If you testify in my son's trial, I'll make your life a living hell for as long as I live." Her eyes were molten. "Or for as long as _you _do."

Alex stared back at her dumbfounded. Margaret Meadfield squeezed harder on her arm as if to emphasize the point and Alex winced in pain. Then she let go of Alex's arm and walked away as suddenly as she'd appeared.

Alex remained rooted to the spot in shock, unable to believe what had just hapened.

* * *

She woke up that night in a cold sweat, having had the nightmare again. She rolled over and hugged her pillow, trying to fight back the tears.

_It was just a dream_... _Nick's OK_...

She was afraid to go back to sleep, but like all the other nights that she'd been through this routine, she couldn't keep her eyes from eventually closing.

She jerked awake in the morning, the nightmare returning for the second time in the last 8 hours. This time however, she'd woken up before the fateful shot.

Her heart was pounding and she looked around her room, now brightened in the morning light. She took some deep breaths and decided she'd better get out of bed this time. She felt groggy and irritable as she hauled herself into the shower.

As the water cascaded over her, she frowned. The nightmares were starting to come every night now, and this time it was twice in the same night...

As she got dressed she remembered that she'd promised to go see Alison at the coffee shop this morning. She was really looking forward to seeing a friendly face.

* * *

Climbing out of her car, Alex saw a Denali pulling into the parking lot and her heart started to beat faster. Then she noticed a familiar redhead through the windshield and she smiled, waving. Catherine waved back and pulled into a parking space.

Alex felt a strange mixture of happiness and fear, but if she had wanted to avoid the woman, it was too late now. And besides, she decided she was actually glad to see her anyway, and she made her way towards the SUV.

She thought about what had happened yesterday outside Ceasar's Palace, and wondered to herself...

_Maybe I should tell Catherine what happened_. _I still can't believe it myself_.

Catherine climbed down, smiling. "Hey stranger." She looked at Alex closely. "How you been?"

Alex felt the investigator's keen glance and squirmed inwardly. It wouldn't be so easy to fake happiness in front of this woman.

"I'm doing OK. How about you?"

"Fine and dandy. I just dropped Lindsey off at a day camp with her friends and I thought I'd grab a coffee on the way home. Care to join me?"

Alex nodded and they moved towards the entrance. "How's Lindsey doing? I hope her food poisoning didn't last too long?"

Catherine opened the door. "Oh, it was a doozey, but she was OK by midnight and she slept like a log. She was fine the next morning."

"That's good."

She smiled as she saw Alison cleaning a table in the corner. The young woman looked up and waved at them as she made her way over. Alison smiled at Catherine, saying she remembered her from the investigation.

"Coffee's on me, Catherine. Where do you want to sit?"

They made their way to a corner table by the window and Alison went over to fill their orders.

"Oh _crap_. I left my wallet in the car. Duh."

She stood up quickly and made her way towards the door before Catherine could offer to look after the bill. She watched as Alex may her way outside. She looked a little gaunt, and a bit tired around the eyes...

"_Catherine_, right?"

Catherine looked up as Alison placed her coffee in front of her. "Yeah, that's right. It's _Alison,_ isn't it?"

"Yep."

Alison looked at Catherine as if she wanted to say something, but was uncertain how to begin. Catherine waited patiently.

"Can I ask you something?" She finally ventured.

"Sure." Catherine watched her curiously.

"How long do you thing this Meadfield thing is going to take?"

Catherine frowned. "I don't honestly know. Right now we have to wait for him to be healthy enough for the preliminary trial, and then it depends on how long his lawyers tie things up in court, trying to postpone the inevitable."

Alison sighed and looked unimpressed. Catherine hazarded a question.

"She's not holding up as well as she lets on, is she?"

Alison smirked. "She's a mess."

Catherine nodded. "She's looking a little thin. It can't be easy for her, after all that happened. Stress takes its toll." She sighed herself. "Between you and me, I don't think I'm the only one who was hoping James Meadfield never regained consciousness."

Alison nodded distractedly. "Well, yeah... There's that... But there's something else going on with her. I think there's a guy,and he's somehow involved in this case too... I don't know. It's confusing and I don't really understand what she was talking about exactly."

Catherine felt confused now too. "What do you mean?"

She looked back at the window and saw Alex heading across the street with her bag. She was probably going to the bank machine.

"Well, I convinced her to come out with me and some friends the other night. You know, trying to help her loosen up and have some fun; get her mind off things for a little while. Well, turns out it had the opposite effect."

She stopped and smirked a little.

"Maybe a _country_ bar wasn't the best idea... She ended up having quite a bit to drink, and then there were all those songs about _lovin' and leavin'_, and riding off into the sunset with your dog, all broken-hearted..."

Catherine laughed. "Booze and country music: Bad combination if you're down in the dumps."

"Yeah, well it was for her. She ended up spending most of the night half in tears about some guy she'd pushed away, and she kept blaming James Meadfield. It made no sense to me."

Catherine's brows raised in surprise. "Really..."

She hadn't spoken to Nick at all about what had happened between him and Alex. He hadn't brought it up with her and she hadn't wanted to push him, but she'd figured out from his bad moods that they weren't exactly together right now.

Still, she'd gotten the impression it had all gone down because of Barnes opening his big mouth about Nick and Kristy Hopkins. What Alison was telling her now had her thinking that maybe they'd been wrong about that.

Alison still couldn't understand it. "I just don't get what this whole James Meadfield thing would have to do with her dating someone?"

Catherine smirked. "You'd be surprised, actually."

Alison looked more confused, but Catherine needed more information.

"Tell me, did she say anything about this guy specifically that you can remember? Did she act like he'd done anything wrong at all?"

Alison looked at her questioningly. "No, not at all. She kept saying stuff like _'I blew it'_ and _'I can't believe I pushed him away'_ and that sort of thing. Oh and she kept saying over and over that she had to do it for _his _sake."

Catherine nodded, smiling.

_This is very interesting_.

Alison looked curiously at Catherine. "Why are you asking this?"

"Because I know the guy."

Now Alison's eyebrows went up. "Oh."

Catherine saw Alex returning through the window and Alison followed her gaze. The two women switched to small talk as she approached them.

"Sorry- I had to hit the bank machine. Do you want a muffin or something? They're really good here."

Catherine ordered a banana muffin and Alex sipped on her tea. "You want some?" She offered her muffin.

"Nah, I'm OK."

Catherine frowned slightly. She wanted to ask Alex how her appetite was, but before she could open her mouth, Alex spoke.

"Catherine, can I talk to you about something?"

Catherine nodded and smiled, thinking maybe it was about Nick.

"Something, um... Something crazy happened to me yesterday and I... I don't know what to make of it."

Catherine frowned. This hadn't been what she was expecting.

"What happened?"

"I was coming out of the shops at Caesar's Palace when... when James Meadfield's mother... at least I _think_ it was her..." She shook her head. "It had to be... Anyway, she... she threatened me."

Catherine was clearly shocked. "_What_?"

Alex told her the whole bizarre story and Catherine looked incensed.

"Why didn't you go to the police? Or you could have called _me_..."

"I guess I... I just didn't know what to do. It was all so crazy; It happened so fast, I almost thought I imagined the whole thing." She frowned. "Maybe I should have gone to the D.A., but like I said... it all seems so crazy."

Catherine shook her head in amazement.

"It _is _crazy. She's just putting another nail in his coffin. We have more then enough evidence to put him away, no matter what. I think the old broad has finally snapped." She looked hard at Alex. "Finish your tea. We're going to report this to the police right now."

"OK."

As they made their way out to their vehicles, Catherine frowned. "Alex, hold up a second."

She stopped and turned to her questioningly. Catherine moved next to her and raised one of Alex's short sleeves up slightly. There were finger shaped bruises running across her tricep. Alex strained to look.

"Man, I didn't even notice those. She had such bony fingers..." She shivered at the memory, feeling creeped out.

"We'll get some photos of those too."

* * *

As the two women knocked on Lieutenant Foreman's door, he looked up in surprise.

"Miss Winters? I was just coming to see you..."

Now Alex looked surprised.

_Oh great, what now_...?

"Why?"

He looked uncomfortable. "I have to issue a T.R.O. against you, for the Meadfield family."

Alex frowned. "What's a T.R.O.?"

Catherine grimaced and looked at the papers. "It's a restraining order, Alex. It looks like Mrs. Meadfield came to her senses and went to her lawyers after she threatened you. They're trying to cover her ass."

"She put a restraining order... on _me_?"

The disbelief on her face said it all.

* * *

Catherine sent Alex home and promised her she'd check in with her once she and Foreman had returned from Caesar's Palace, hopefully with proof that Alex had done nothing wrong. She crossed her fingers that the Meadfield lawyers hadn't beaten them to the punch...

Today, it seemed luck was on their side.

Returning to the lab, she scanned the security video tape from the escalator and found what she was looking for within about 10 minutes. She watched the footage and grinned.

From all appearances, not only had Alex _not_ threatened Margaret Meadfield, she'd barely opened her mouth.

She dropped the tape off with the A/V guys and asked them to try and translate the dialogue from the soundless video, then made her way over to Alex's place.

She smiled sadly as she noticed the proximity to Nick's house.

_Poor Nicky_... _it must kill him to be so close to her_.

Alex invited her inside, immediately grateful.

"Thank you so much, Catherine. You guys are always saving my ass. And I mean that literally." She smiled in chagrin. "I have a feeling I'd be lost without you all."

Catherine smiled back and let her know they'd take the tape to the D.A. once they'd translated the dialogue, and the T.R.O would be dropped, she was certain. Alex nodded happily and Catherine thought about one of the 'you guys' that Alex had referred to... She decided to do a little personal investigating, for Nick's sake.

_OK, how am I going to do this_...?

"Listen, Alex... I've come to think of us as friends..."

Alex smiled. "Yeah, me too. Despite the circumstances, I'm glad I met you."

"Have I ever told you what I did before this job?"

Alex looked at her questioningly. "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, I used to be a dancer. An _exotic_ dancer."

Alex looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yep."

Alex smiled. "Well, cool. And I bet it paid your way through school, didn't it?"

"Yeah, it sure did."

"Cool. But why are you telling me this now?"

Catherine shrugged. "Well, to be honest, I was trying to see how you'd react."

Alex felt confused. "Why?"

Then she looked concerned and Catherine felt bad as Alex jumped to the wrong conclusions.

"Does this have something to do with the case? What's going on?"

Catherine raised her hands in a defensive gesture. "No, no... not at all. Nothing like that."

Alex still looked confused, but she decided to take it a step further.

"Alex, what would you think if I told you I used to be a prostitute?"

Alex looked stunned. "Were you?"

"No. I wasn't. But what if you found out that I had been? What would you think of me then?"

"Catherine, _what's this all about_?" She was starting to look more than a little wary now.

"Alex, please trust me. Just humour me for a second, OK?"

Alex still looked bemused, but she didn't say anything, so Catherine continued. "Would you think any less of me if you found out I used to be a prostitute?"

Alex sighed, but she answered nonetheless. "No. I wouldn't."

"You wouldn't?"

"No."

"You wouldn't feel... I don't know..._superior_ to me?"

"No, I wouldn't. I'd feel luckier than you, for sure. But not superior."

"OK, fair enough. But come on... Wouldn't you feel even slightly put off by my having that sort of past?"

Alex sighed and looked away. Then she turned back to Catherine and looked at her seriously.

"You remember that day... the day when... Lisa... when Lisa Albertson was killed... and you couldn't find me?"

Catherine frowned. "That's kind of a hard one to _forget_."

"Well, a friend of mine showed up unexpectedly. I met her at university back in Canada. Anyway, her mother was a heroine addict before it was considered chic, and she almost died more than once. Still, she managed to turn her life around and raise my friend Julie all by herself. No husband, no family... And now Julie is a really successful marketing manager for a software company; she travels all over the world and she makes the big bucks. Most importantly, she's one of the most _together_ people I've ever met, and she always credits her success back to her happy childhood and supportive mom. I have nothing but respect for that woman. I can't believe she overcame what she did."

She stopped and looked straight at Catherine.

"And if you've overcome something like that to get where you are today, then I'd feel just as proud of you as I do of Julie's mom. I'd admire your strength."

Catherine smiled. "I really wasn't a prostitute, Alex." She looked serious for a second. "But I was a damned good dancer."

Alex chuckled and felt her tension ease off somewhat. "Yeah? You still got the moves?"

Catherine smiled. "I'm pretty sure I could still hold my own. I'm not sure about the pole though."

Alex laughed out loud. "Whatever. I'm envious that you had the balls to get up there and do that job... And the _body_ to do it!"

Catherine looked at her appraisingly. "Oh, I'm pretty sure you could manage. And your breasts are bigger than mine!"

Alex laughed some more, but Catherine continued to study her. "Alex, you're looking a little thin... How's the old appetite these days?"

_Damned observant CSI's_...

"Ah, you know... I'm alright. I've been a bit stressed, so it's not what it used to be, but... I'm sure when this is all over I'll be back to normal."

Catherine looked at her doubtfully. She had a feeling she knew the _real _reason for her loss of appetite, but decided to let it go. Now was not the time to quiz her about her feelings for Nick.

"Well, I have to pick up Linds, so I better get going."

Alex looked at her in surprise. "Are you going to tell me what the hell that was all about, at least?"

"Um, no time... Gotta go..." She gave her an amused smile as she made her way to the door.

Alex just shook her head at her in wonder. "Catherine, you are one _odd_ woman."

Catherine grinned back. "You have _no idea_..."


	4. Chapter 4

_**A.N**_: Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys. Glad you approve! :)

* * *

Alex smiled as she thought about Catherine. She was a cool lady, no doubt about that. But she still didn't know what to make of that whole conversation. She shook her head.

_Whatever_. _I'm just glad she's on my side_!

She looked in her fridge and sighed.

_I'm still not hungry_. _Maybe I just need some different food options_.

She drove to the local grocery store, hoping a little more variety would perk up her waning appetite. She grabbed a few items, stocked up on Diet Pepsi and headed for the checkout. As she grabbed her bags from the counter, she froze.

Nick had just walked in the far entrance.

She couldn't remember the last time anything or _anyone_ had looked so good to her. She felt her heart pounding heavily in her chest and her face became warm. Nick made his way into an aisle, not noticing her at all.

Once she regained her ability to walk, Alex quickly made her way to the same door and then out to her car. She struggled with the grocery bags and her car keys, finally getting the car door open and throwing her groceries in the back.

She climbed into the driver's seat, feeling the tears streaming down her face. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel for a moment trying to get a hold of herself.

* * *

Nick watched her from the store window, frowning.

He'd seen her heading out the door he'd just come in, and he'd found himself unable to stop himself from heading in her direction. He'd watched her go to her car, and could see her wiping the tears away now as she leaned away from the steering wheel and started up the car.

He stepped back from the window, not wanting her to catch him watching her...

* * *

_Jesus_, _Alex, keep it together_.

She felt her shoulders sagging.

_I haven't cried this much since I was a kid_.

She pulled out of the lot and drove home.

She walked up to her front door, but felt annoyed as she dug everywhere and couldn't find her house keys. She started to reach in her pocket again and felt a bag slip from her hand, landing with a crunch on the step.

Feeling the urge to scream out loud, she set down the other bags and sat down on the step, drawing in deep breaths. The tears threatened to return in her frustrated state, but she choked them down.

Sighing, she reached into her pocket and immediately located her keys. She took one last big breath and went inside. One thought lingered in her mind.

_Damn_. _I can't believe how much I miss him_.

* * *

Nick returned home feeling unsettled. He thought he'd finally pulled himself together about this whole mess, but it seemed he hadn't really, afterall.

_Just one sight of Alex and_...

He stripped down to his boxers and lay on top of his bed. At the sight of her tears, he'd wanted to rush outside to her car and take her in his arms until she stopped crying.

He longed to feel the familiar anger or bitterness right now; anything to take the place of the emptiness inside of him, but nothing came.

He turned on his side and reached out to touch the pillow where Alex had lain just over a week ago. Although he'd done all his laundry on Friday night, he'd skipped this pillow case.

_It still smelled like her_...

He'd spent most of his unoccupied moments going over it again in his mind, and he still couldn't comprehend how it had all gone so horribly wrong so quickly. And as much as he knew what she'd been told by Barnes, he still found it hard to believe that Alex- the woman he'd gotten so _close_ to in such a short time...

W_ould she really throw it all away without even talking to me about it_?

It just didn't seem like the person he'd come to feel so strongly about. And it was this thought that made it harder and harder for him to stop himself from calling her.

Seeing her today had brought it all back to the forefront once again, and he eyed the phone on his bedside table like a traitor.

_Man_, _get ready for another crappy sleep_...

* * *

That night, Nick sat next to Sara awaiting his new assignment.

He'd finished off the car crash case and now he was anxious for something new to sink his teeth into. He was tired, but he had decided to make a conscious effort to be positive no matter what; at least while he was working. He knew he was being unfair to his colleagues by foisting his bad mood on them all the time, and it was time it stopped.

Grissom spoke. "Sara, you and Nick need to head over to a B&E in the suburbs. Police are en route."

Nick smiled at Sara, trying to appear lighthearted.

"Another B&E... man, I swear I'm cursed for cases this month."

Sara laughed and smacked his arm lightly.

"Yeah, and thanks for taking me down with you!"

The two made their way out into the hallway, and Catherine smiled. She was glad to see Nick returning to his old self; she knew nothing could keep down his good-naturedness for long.

_Still_...

"Gil? I need to talk to you about something on the Meadfield case. Can you join me in the A/V lab?"

He nodded. "I'm all yours."

* * *

Nick and Sara arrived back at the lab a few hours later and began distrubuting their various samples to the appropriate labs for analysis. Grissom stopped Nick in the hall as he exited the print lab.

"How'd you do?"

"Well, someone definitely _broke_ _and entered_. Took everything they could get their hands on, including a prized Star Wars card collection that the owner had on display under his dining room table glass... Man, people are strange sometimes."

"What's so strange about it? Those collectors cards can be quite valuable. The thief probably knew that."

Nick smirked. "I was talking about the dude who had the cards under his table glass."

Grissom smirked back. "To each his own, Nick."

Nick snorted. "Yeah, right."

Grissom regarded the younger man for a moment. "Nick, when you're done sorting through your evidence and you have a moment, can you come see me in my office?"

"Uh, sure."

Nick frowned at Grissom's back as the man disappeared around a corner.

_Hmmm_. _What's this about_?

* * *

Sara poked her head into the evidence room. "Any luck?"

Nick looked up. "Nah. The perp obviously wore gloves. All I have is the footprint, and without a suspect..."

"Well, O'Reilly has a line on a friend of the victim's who he claims was _coveting_ _his neighbour's_ _possessions_."

Nick looked surprised, then nodded with a smirk. "He wanted the Star Wars cards."

"Yep. I'm going to tag along for the questioning. Want to come?"

"This early?"

"The guy works nights- the 3 to 11 am shift at a stockyard. Security guard."

"Um, I think I'll give it a pass; Grissom asked me to come see him about something."

He frowned again at the thought. Sara smiled sypathetically.

"Don't worry, Nick. He probably just wants to congratulate you on a job well done- that crash last week."

"Yeah, because that would be totally in character for Gris... Pulling us aside to tell us what great work we do."

He gave her a doubtful grin and she laughed.

"Seriously, Nick; I'm sure it's nothing." She smiled again in reassurance. "Now give me a copy of that footprint so I can try to pin this Star Wars geek for theft."

"Hey, you don't have to be a geek to like Star Wars, you know."

She laughed at him. "I'm not even going to touch that one."

He laughed back softly as she left the room.

_Well, I guess I should go see Grissom and get this out of the way_.

* * *

He was totally unprepared for the first words out of Gil Grissom's mouth.

"Nick, I realize we never really spoke about the whole Alex Winters thing..."

Nick felt a ripple of surprise.

_Where's this coming from_... A_nd why_ now?

"Uh, Gris, I-"

"Hold up, Nick. You're not in trouble. I just wanted to let you know that you did excellent work the entire time... whatever your _additional_ motivations."

He smiled slightly, and Nick could have sworn he had a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Um... Thanks?"

"And, I thought I'd show you some evidence Catherine... _happened_ upon this morning. I thought you might like to see it before I send it to the D.A."

Nick was surprised again, but followed his boss down to the video lab. Archie grinned up at them from his post.

"You guys here for Margaret Meadfield's greatest hits?"

Nick looked over at Grissom in confusion, but the older man merely smirked back and raised his brows slightly. Nick turned back to Archie.

"Yeah, I guess we are, Arch."

Archie rolled the fotage for them and Nick felt a knot forming in his stomach as he recognized Alex.

_What the_...?

He watched the scene unfold and could do nothing but watch in stunned silence. Archie re-queued it.

"Now, here's the close up and I'll give you the scripted version from the lip-reading specialist..."

He re-ran the tape and filled in the dialogue for them.

"Looks like James Meadfield came by his insanity honestly: He inherited it from his mother."

Not unlike the video image before him, Nick remained speechless.

Grissom finally explained the details, and then he took the evidence from Archie and they made their way down the hallway. As Nick looked at photos of Alex's bruised arm, he scowled.

Catherine appeared before them in the hallway and, noting the expression on Nick's face, she figured Grissom must have shown him the new evidence. She looked down at the photos in his hands.

"Crazy, huh?"

Grissom smiled slightly at her and took the evidence from Nick. He headed down the hall towards his office, leaving them alone.

Nick blew out a breath and shook his head.

"_Jesus_... And this all happened _yesterday_?" Catherine nodded and he continued. "And she had the balls to put a T.R.O. on Alex?"

He was having difficulty processing all this.

"Yep. As soon as the D.A. sees _this_, though..."

Nick nodded his understanding. Then he looked at Catherine in amazement again.

"What was she _thinking_? She's just made things even worse for her son, and I didn't even think that was possible."

"Who knows? Maybe she randomly ran into Alex outside and she just lost it. Your guess is as good as mine."

Nick nodded again, distractedly. Was this why Alex had been so upset when he'd seen her today? It made sense. He felt a surge of regret.

_I should have at least tried to talk to her, see what was wrong_...

He frowned.

_Or that could have made things worse, since she's made it clear she wants nothing to do with me_...

Catherine watched the emotions flitting across Nick's face and she decided now was the time to put a stop to his suffering.

"Nick, can I talk to you for a second? Let's go to the staffroom."

He looked at her curiously and followed her down the hall.

* * *

"How did you end up with this video footage, Catherine?"

"I ran into Alex this morning at the coffee shop and she told me about everything. I looked after the rest."

Nick nodded. He looked at her carefully.

"How is she?"

Catherine smiled gently. "She's holding up, I guess. She seems a little thin... I think she's lost her appetite. And she's looking a little tired."

Nick sighed. "Yeah, I thought she looked like she'd lost a little weight..."

"You saw her?" Catherine watched him closely.

"Yeah, I saw her leaving the grocery store today. She seemed upset."

Catherine frowned.

_That must have been after we spoke_... _but she seemed alright when I left_...?

"You didn't speak to her?"

He shook his head sadly. She furrowed her brow in thought.

"She probably saw_ you_, Nick... _that's_ why she was upset."

He shook his head, frowning some more. "That makes no sense, Catherine. She's the one who put a stop to... _us_. If she wanted to talk to me, she _could_ have."

Catherine nodded, understanding dawning. So Alex had been the one to end things with her and Nick. She decided to finally ask him about what had happened, and Nick sighed as he recounted what Alex had told him.

"And what did you say to her after she said all this?"

"Nothing. She left it all on my voicemail. I haven't actually spoken to her since the baseball game."

Catherine's brows went up in surprise. "A voicemail?"

Nick nodded unhappily and Catherine mused to herself.

_Curiouser and curiouser_...

She regarded her handsome co-worker sadly, and began to regret rehashing all this for him. He was starting to look miserable again. She decided to cut to the chase.

"Nick, I think we made a mistake. We assumed this all happened because she found out about Kristy Hopkins... I think we were wrong."

He looked back at her, surprised. "Do you know something I don't?"

"Yeah, I think maybe I do." She gave him a small grin.

"So, what... you're going to tell me it's just a coincidence that she took off abruptly after the ballgame and, apart from the '_Dear John_' voicemail, hasn't spoken to me since?"

He looked beyond skeptical.

Catherine smirked. "Nick, she really _was _sick. I told you that."

"OK, fine, but that still doesn't explain why she's been avoiding me since that day."

Catherine took a deep breath. "Well, I think she's doing it for _you_, actually."

He looked at her in disbelief. "Come again?"

"Come on, Nick... You know this routine. Someone tells you that you're jeopardizing a case, or even your job, and you back off..."

He looked confused for about 5 seconds and then stared hard at her.

"You're saying she's trying to protect me? Protect my job?"

Catherine nodded and he shook his head in bewilderment.

"But why _now_? Why did she suddenly decide to do this now? The timing is too coincidental Catherine. I can't buy it."

His shoulders sank as he questioned the feasibilty of her theory.

"Actually, I think the timing's just about _perfect_. The morning after the ballgame, she went to see the D.A. He's watching over this one personally because it involves one of Vegas' most influential families... The last thing he needs is for our police force to look bad. Sound familiar?"

Nick's scowl grew. "Are he and Sheriff Atwater dating or something?"

Catherine grinned. "Well, you know the saying: _Politics makes for strange bedfellows_." She looked at him pointedly. "When did you get the voicemail?"

"When I got home from work Tuesday morning..."

Catherine nodded jubilantly.

"It fits, Nick."

Nick leaned against the counter and looked at the wall, considering Catherine's statements. She waited patiently for what she knew would be coming soon. She didn't have to wait long.

"OK, that's a nice theory, Catherine, but it's all supposition. Why would you...?"

She interrupted. "I got some inside information." She smiled.

He felt a flutter in his chest.

_Alex_?

"Site your source."

"You remember her friend from the coffee shop? Alison?"

Nick nodded and eyed her curiously, so she told him what she'd heard. He stared at her, shock registering in his eyes as the tale unfolded.

"Are you _serious_?"

"Yep. Country music and beer... A _very_ bad mix when you're suffering from a broken heart."

Nick still regarded her skeptically. He thought back to when he'd seen Alex all dressed up the other night.

_So that's where she went_...

He felt relieved to know she'd been out with the girls, but...

_What does all this really mean_?

Catherine thought she sensed new emotions registering behind Nick's eyes this time: nervousness tinged with hope. She remained silent, letting him absorb it all. He rested his hands on the counter beside him and exhaled noisily.

"I'm not sure what to think anymore, Cath."

She moved to his side and leaned against the counter next to him.

"I know and I'm sorry if I'm butting my nose in where it isn't wanted..."

"No... No, it's OK, Catherine." He smiled down at her. "I know you're on my side."

She nudged him slightly with her shoulder. "Yeah, I am."

He stared forward. "Even if I believe all this... that it's possible she's doing all this for _me_... and I'm not sure that I do believe it, Cath..." He moved forward and turned to look at her. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this? I mean, _what do I do now_?"

She wasn't happy with her answer, but she gave it anyway.

"Nothing, Nick. You can't do anything. Even if her methods are all out of whack, the reasoning is still sound. We're about _this_ far from a major murder trial." She held up her thumb and forefinger. "You're just going to have to wait it out."

He looked troubled, but she saw the look of resignation in his features.

"I'm sorry, Nick."

He shook his head unhappily. "I'm honestly not sure if I'm any better off than I was before."

He sighed heavily. She put a hand on his arm and he looked at her.

"Sure you are, Nick. At least now you have _hope_. Now all you need to work on is patience..."

She smiled sympathetically at him and moved towards the door. "I'm going to see if Grissom is taking that evidence to the D.A., or whether he wants me to handle it. I'll see ya later."

"Yeah, see ya, Cath. And for what it's worth... _Thanks_."

She gave him another smile and disappeared down the hall, leaving Nick alone with his thoughts.

He tried to ignore the tightening feeling in his chest... He didn't want to give into this new feeling of excitement, buoyed by a sense of hope...

He frowned.

_Hope_. _Can I really believe all this_? _That there's a chance_...?

He wasn't sure his heart could handle going down that road again. He was afraid to even consider it.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex woke up the next morning earlier than usual. But then nothing in her life had been anywhere near normal for the last month and a half, so she was getting used to it. And the nightmares were getting worse, too.

_God, do I need therapy for that now, too_?

She went downstairs to the living room and turned on the TV as she flopped down on the sofa. She sighed, her thoughts drifting...

_Maybe there's something I should have done a long time ago_.

She was tired of trying to do everything she could to try to avoid thinking about all the bad things in her life right now. Maybe it was finally time to face things head-on. She felt a bitter smile forming on her lips.

_I actually told Nick I needed time to myself to sort through everything that's happened_. _Maybe there was some truth to that after all_.

She flicked the TV back off and began pacing the living room, slowly and painfully rehashing everything in her mind.

* * *

A few hours, quite a few tears and a whole lot of kleenex later, Alex felt a little better. Not perfect, but definitely better. It had taken her maybe half an hour before she'd begun to fully grasp how much fear and anguish she'd been repressing.

_So much for all those Psych classes_...

She'd missed all the obvious signs. Of course, there was the overlapping pain of her broken heart thrown into the mix as well, but it didn't take a genius to know that the nightmares indicated other unresolved issues that she clearly needed to deal with.

She wasn't what she'd consider _happy_ exactly; it would take some time before she felt that way again...

She frowned.

A_t least as long as it takes to get over Nick_,_ anyway_.

But she definitely felt a lot more like her old self.

She went upstairs and put on her jogging clothes. She hadn't been running since before this whole crazy thing had happened and she realized she'd been missing it. It had always been her own sort of stress-release therapy. She tied up her laces and went outside. She turned up the volume on her walkman and headed down the street, not caring where her feet took her.

* * *

The days dragged into a week, and Alex refused to let the depression and lethargy return. It wasn't always easy, but she knew she had to try to get back to a normal life. She still had the nightmares occasionally, but they seemed to be tapering off at least. And school would be starting up again soon; she'd need to be able to focus her attention back on her studies.

The jogging had helped her appetite somewhat, and she felt her energy levels returning to normal again.

Coming back home from a morning jog one day, she found a voicemail from the D.A., asking her to come in and see him. She called immediately and arranged a time.

_Are we finally getting somewhere_?

* * *

As she hoped, the D.A. had good news. "The Prelim is in two days."

Alex felt her heart speed up with excitement.

_Good God, can the end be in sight_?

She smiled back at the man and he continued.

"We're in really good shape, especially after Margaret Meadfield screwed up royally by threatening you. It was a nice bonus, actually."

Had Alex been feeling less stable these days, that comment might have bothered her more. As it was, all she thought was, _Well_, _it wasn't exactly a '_bonus'_ for me when it happened, but whatever_.

Last week, she'd been informed that not only had the restraining order been negated, the D.A. had placed one on Margaret Meadfield on Alex's behalf. She found it hard to believe that it was necessary, but then again she hadn't exactly expected to be accosted by the woman in the first place.

"Will I have to testify at this preliminary hearing?"

"Possibly. Usually it's just a presentation of the evidence against the suspect, and statements regarding what transpired as per police reports, trying to ascertain if there's enough evidence to procede. But it's possible. You should definitely be there."

"Oh, I'll be _there _alright."

Alex smiled bitterly. She wanted to make sure that this guy went down.

"I'm going to need to practice your testimony with you as well. Do you have time right now?"

Alex had nothing but time. They got started and she felt hopeful for the first time in weeks.

_Maybe I can finally get my life back_.

* * *

The CSI lab was hopping with activity that evening as they gave their evidence for the Meadfield trial a _spit and polish_.

They didn't want there to be any shadow of a doubt about the legitimacy of their findings. They'd all been burned in the past, particularly during another high profile case involving a famous movie star. The lab had come out of it OK, but they all had a few scars to show from that one.

Nick checked his labels closely, confirming that everything was properly documented. Sara entered the room and headed over to another batch of results.

"How's it going? Are we ship-shape?"

Nick grinned. "_Hell ya_. Everything is perfect.The documentation is by the book. I think we're finally going to get this guy put away."

Sara smiled at Nick's excitement. While he hadn't been unpleasant to be around by any means, he hadn't been his usual carefree self for some time now. This was the happiest she'd seen him in weeks.

"Very cool.This is _airtight_, Nick. I bet once he gets to trial, it will be open and shut.They have no way out."

Nick nodded, smiling. The '_they_' Sara was referring to were the Meadfield lawyers, and he agreed with her. They had nothing to deal with whatsoever. He couldn't imagine the actual trial taking very long.

He felt his heart skip a beat at the thought.

_Maybe once this is finally over_...

He tried not to dwell on it. He had given up trying to keep Alex off his mind, but he'd accepted that whether or not she was staying away for his sake or because she really didn't want to see him, he had to respect her wishes at this stage. Catherine was right. There was too much at stake.

Still...

_God_,_ I hope Catherine's right_.

* * *

The day of the Prelim, Alex looked at her reflection nervously in the mirror.

She'd picked a simple full-length black skirt and a sleeveless green mock-turtleneck shirt, hoping that she looked tasteful and professional at the same time. Thankfully, the bruises on her arm had faded.

She considered pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail, wondering if that would look better... She finally gave up trying to second-guess the judge's preferences, slipped some black sling-backs on her feet and made her way out to her car.

As she drove to the courthouse, she felt the butterfliesflying rampant in her stomach. She knew she'd be seeing Nick today when he presented his evidence and she couldn't contain the pleasure that suffused her body at the thought of seeing him again.

_It's been so long_.

She hadn't seen him after that brief glimpse at the grocery store, and she'd missed him terribly every day since. Again, she'd accepted that it would take some time to get over him and she didn't try to repress her longings. It was all part of the process.

She parked in the lot across from the courthouse and took a big breath.

_Here we go_...

* * *

Alex walked inside and was directed towards the proper room. She smiled as she saw Catherine standing outside with Sara.

She'd gone for coffee a few times with Catherine in the last week and a half since the Margaret Meadfield incident. The topic had stayed comfortably away from Nick, even though Alex had been dying to ask how he was. She'd managed to hold her tongue each time, not wanting to give herself away and ruin everything.

She looked around her now, uncertain of how she was going to handle facing Nick at this point. She'd tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, but she knew she'd just have to leave it up to the moment in the end. He was nowhere in sight though, and she felt a mixture of relief and disappointment.

Sara, it seemed didn't feel the need for the tact that Catherine had shown Alex during their coffee chats, and she grinned at Alex.

"He's in the restroom."

Alex blushed and wanted to feign ignorance, but she knew it wouldn't fly. Instead, she looked uncomfortably at Catherine, who was smirking at Sara.

"I think I better go inside. Good luck."

Catherine smiled back.

"We don't need luck, trust me. We have _evidence_."

Alex laughed and nodded. "Good to know."

She smiled at them and turned, hesitating at the doors. She took another deep breath and slipped through to the room inside.

* * *

As Nick left the restroom down the hall, he paused and moved over to an alcove. Alex was standing not 30 feet away, talking to Catherine and Sara. She was mostly turned away from him, so he hung back, examining her from his hidden vantage point.

She was wearing a slim fitting black skirt and a green shirt that enhanced her lightly tanned arms. She looked healthier than the last time he'd seen her and he found himself relieved. At the same time, he felt a niggling doubt sneaking around the back of his mind.

_She said she needed space to get her act together, and maybe she's done that_... S_o_, _does that mean she's ready to_...?

Then he considered the other side.

_If she was just saying that to keep me away, then it doesn't matter_, _but_...

He blew out a stream of air and tried to clear his brain. Everytime he tried to consider all the angles, he ended up with a headache. He couldn't afford to be out of sorts today; he had a job to do.

He watched as she went into the courtroom and prepared himself mentally for what was ahead.

_But man, __she looks so good_...

* * *

Alex spotted the Albertsons and made her way over to where they were sitting. Mrs. Albertson smiled when she saw her and gestured to the seat beside them. The older woman took Alex's hand as she sat down, but remained silent.

Alex looked around.

The place was packed, and Alex began to get an inkling of what the D.A. had meant by 'high profile'. Most of the who's who of Las Vegas had wanted to watch this spectacle and Alex though there seemed to be a lot of familiar faces around.

She saw the back of Mrs. Meadfield's head near the front, she assumed behind the place where the defendent sat. She looked away, not wanting to lock eyes with that woman again if she could avoid it.

The place was alive with quiet murmurings and she felt her heart racing as she realized that James Meadfield was finally going to get what he deserved.

* * *

"Are we staying out here until we present?" Sara questioned her colleagues.

Catherine smirked. "Not on your life. I'm watching all of this one. Let's find some seats."

Nick swallowed and followed the women inside. As they sat near the back, he tried to subtly scan the crowd for Alex...

He felt his heart skip a beat as he saw her...

And she was staring right back at him.

* * *

Alex had turned in her seat and was scanning the crowd when she saw the doors opening.

She saw Catherine and Sara entering and she found she couldn't look away, the anticipation of seeing the person who should be following them gnawing at her insides.

Then she saw him.

He was wearing a dark brown suit and he looked about as handsome as she remembered... _moreso_ even. She couldn't seem to stop watching him as he followed his co-workers to some seats near the back, her eyes devouring him hungrily, trying to appease the empty ache in her heart.

She froze as he looked up and saw her. She wanted to look away but couldn't seem to convince her eyes to cooperate. She swallowed and tried again...

But then Nick looked away first.

She turned back around, looking at the floor. She felt the empty space in her heart expanding.

_Well_, _I guess that's _that. _He's over me now_, _that much is obvious_.

She was devastated, and she clenched her fists and fought to control the tears that wanted to make an appearance. Her stomach felt unsettled and she could feel her eyes misting over...

D_on't do it_, _Alex_. _Not here_.

She looked over at Mrs. Albertson, and the woman smiled back at her and grabbed her hand again. She bit her lip and tried to focus on the front of the room.

_OK_. _I can do this_...

* * *

As Nick looked away, he felt his heart pounding, excitement threatening to overtake his calm exterior.

The look in Alex's eyes as she'd stared at him...

He felt himself hoping like never before that Catherine had been right; that Alex had only pushed him away for his own sake. His stomach flip-flopped as he visualized the heat behind her eyes as she'd looked at him just then, and he felt his mouth going dry. He couldn't have mistaken the desire he saw in her glance, could he? It reminded him of their last passionate weekend together... the way she'd looked at him then, with such _longing_...

He stared at his feet, trying to compose himself. He'd felt himself instantly responding to her, and he'd looked away before she saw how much he still needed her. If there was even a small chance that she really wasn't sure about their relationship, he didn't want to scare her away again.

He felt Catherine watching him out of the corner of his eye and he smiled in embarrassment, but he didn't look at her. He heard her chuckle beside him, and she rubbed his back maternally. Then he heard her whisper.

"Ah, Nicky, what are we going to do with you?"

Still looking at his feet, he laughed. Slowly, he raised his head to look at the amused woman beside him. He saw Sara grinning next to her and he shook his head awkwardly, still smiling.

"What?" He tried to look innocent and both women laughed.

Catherine gave him a knowing glance. "Nothing, Nick. Nothing at all."


	6. Chapter 6

_**A.N**_: Hey guys. Yes, I have been updating quickly lately. It's because I have no life! lol.

* * *

A moment later, Alex discovered she had no difficulties getting her mind off Nick as a guard wheeled James Meadfield into the room. The murmuring increased in volume and heads strained to catch sight of him.

Alex felt her chest tightening as she looked at the weakened man in the wheelchair. Physically, he bore little resemblance to the imposing figure that had almost killed her...

He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked extremely frail. Regardless, she was annoyed at herself for the brief sense of panic that took hold as she watched him move down the aisle beside her. It took everything she had not to slide deeper down in her seat.

Mrs. Albertson's hand tightened around hers and she looked back at the woman in concern. The look in her eyes was a combination of hatred and sorrow. Alex looked over at Lisa's brother and saw a similar expression mirrored in his eyes. Their loathing of the man was tangible. Lisa's brother looked sadly at Alex and she frowned at him in empathy.

She realized once again how lucky she was to be alive. She couldn't imagine her family going through all this.

* * *

The judge entered and looked annoyed at the number of people present for a preliminary hearing. He was quick to point out his expectations for the crowd and his willingness to eject anyone who didn't comply. The room quickly fell silent.

The prosecution and the defence made their initial statements to the judge and then it was time to introduce the evidence. Catherine was up first and she looked perfectly at ease up there. Alex grinned slightly.

_She's an old pro at this stuff_, _I'm sure_.

Next, Nick made his way up and provided an equally proficient presentation.

Alex couldn't stop the swell of pride at the level of professionalism he exuded. She couldn't take her eyes off him. He looked so handsome she could hardly breathe. She listened to his voice, loving the sound of his slight drawl...

* * *

Nick felt himself slip into his role easily as soon as the lawyers began questioning him. This was becoming old hat to him. He focussed all his attention on the person questioning him, avoiding any distractions from the crowd...

As he finished off, he felt unbelievably relieved. He hadn't realized how much pressure he'd been under since this had all begun. Suddenly, he felt the weight lift from his shoulders, and he almost smiled as he made his way from the stand.

He slipped back into his seat as Sara was called up.

* * *

The trial was surprising speedy and uncomplicated.

Alex had never been to one before, but she hadn't thought it would happen so quickly. In fact, she thought she'd misheard the judge when he'd declared that James Meadfield was going to be tried for Murder and Attempted Murder. She looked at Mrs. Albertson beside her, confused.

"Is it over? That's it?"

Mrs. Albertson looked triumphant, and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "Yes, it's over. He's going to be tried and they're going to put him away. _Finally_."

Alex hugged her as they stood. "Thank _God_."

She saw Lisa's brother over his mother's shoulder and reached out to grasp his hand as well. He too looked a bit overwhelmed, but jubilant nonetheless.

She finally stepped back from the two Albertsons and said her goodbyes. They moved towards the far aisle, just past them. She turned and moved towards the aisle on her side...

Then she stopped as she felt two malevolent eyes peering up at her. Her breath caught in her throat as James Meadfield was slowly wheeled by, pausing beside her because of the congestion of people ahead of him. He didn't say a word, but those _eyes_...

She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of letting him know she was still frightened of him, but knew it was probably written all over her face. She felt certain of it when a small malicious smile appeared on his lips.

Margaret Meadfield watched the visual exchange from just in front of them and scowled. Demanding people move out of the way, she engaged the police to _'do their jobs'_ and escort her son quickly out of the room.

Alex shivered slightly and tried to pull herself together as the group moved away. She bit at the inside of her lip and then slowly made her way down the aisle once James Meadfield had disappeared from the room.

* * *

Nick watched Alex embracing Lisa Albertson's mother and smiled.

_Thank God everything is finally coming together_. _Maybe she can get her life back now_.

He made his way towards the aisle, Catherine and Sara close behind. As he waited for people to go by, he turned to say something to Catherine, but out of the corner of his eye he saw James Meadfield being pushed down the aisle towards him. Stopped halfway down the room, his wheelchair stood directly in front of Alex...

_Why the hell are they taking him that way_?

Nick frowned and looked at Alex quickly. He could see her stiffening and she'd stopped her movements towards the aisle. At a look from Meadfield, he saw her hand clench at her side and then he saw Meadfield's sly smile...

Nick started to move in Alex's direction when he felt an arm on his shoulder.

"Nick..."

He looked back at Catherine and she was shaking her head ever so slightly at him.

"It'll be OK. Let it go."

He frowned at her, feeling useless and frustrated.

He looked back towards the tense scene down the aisle. Meadfield was moving again and Alex was waiting before she made her own way down the aisle. Nick slipped out into the aisle himself and disappeared quickly out the door so he didn't have to see that bastard up close again.

* * *

As Alex walked towards the door, she tried to remain calm.

_He can't hurt me anymore_. _He probably can't even walk_...

She looked to where Nick had been sitting and felt saddened again when she realized he was already gone.

_It's for the best anyway_.

Trying to keep a reign on the mixed bag of emotions that seemed to be her mode for today, she walked through the doors into the hallway outside, listening to the conversations around her.

"_Do you think they'll plead insanity_?"

_A snort of disbelief_. "_I doubt it_._ Margaret Meadfield would find that _unseemly. _It's much more dignified to have a murderer in the family than a lunatic!"_

Alex fought down nausea as she heard them laughing at the joke.

_What's wrong with these people_?

As she walked, a few other people seemed to recognize her, and she felt a little awkward as she walked down the hall amidst stares and murmured comments. Moving towards the front doors, she frowned as she heard a commotion outside. She slowed her pace and moved to the side of the hall, straining to see what was happening outside.

People were calling out and she could see the back of the D.A. as he stood at the top of the courthouse stairs outside.

_Reporters_.

She slipped a little more forward and caught a glimpse of the Albertson's, stuck in the middle of the melee.

_Shit_. _I don't think I can deal with this right now_...

She looked around, desperate for somewhere to go to escape the chaos out front.

"_Alex_."

She turned to where a familiar voice was calling from a side hallway. Nick was waving at her to come in his direction and mouthing the words "_This way_". She looked back out front and then swallowed nervously as she surreptitiously made her way towards him.

Catherine was a little further down the hall with Sara, near another door. As she reached him, Nick spoke.

"We know a back exit. You can avoid the press."

She smiled weakly. "Thanks."

He led the way down the hall and they all slipped outside. Once they reached the back lot, Nick frowned.

"How're we going to get over to the parking lot? She'll be seen."

"I'll grab our ride and someone can grab Alex's car for her." Sara suggested.

Nick nodded and looked at Alex kindly. "Trust me with your car?"

Alex couldn't help but smile. "Definitely."

She handed him her car keys. The two CSI's walked around the building and out of sight.

Catherine smiled at Alex. "Well, that's _step one_."

Alex felt a moment of confusion.

_Is she saying_...?

Catherine laughed, noting Alex's puzzlement. "The _trial_, Alex. Meadfield's going to trial."

Alex blushed, embarrassed at her own misinterpretation. "Oh right. The trial. Yeah... Thank God."

Catherine laughed some more and shook her head. "Ah, _you two_..."

Alex knew she hadn't mistaken _that_ one... "Catherine..."

"I know, _I know_. You don't want to talk about it. But I just want you to know _one thing_..."

Alex eyed her quizzically, but said nothing. Catherine looked back at her shrewdly.

"_I know the truth_."

Alex shifted her stance uncomfortably, looking the other way.

"I hope I can sneak past those reporters. I'd hate to have to run one of them over with my car. That'd be a shame."

Catherine laughed again, smirking at Alex's redirection of the conversation. She nodded.

"Yeah. That'd be a tragedy."

Alex saw her car moving towards her from around a corner and she strained to see the driver. It was like her eyes had turned traitor on her, wanting to see as much of Nick as they possibly could before she deprived them again.

Her car rolled smoothly up beside the curb where she stood and he killed the engine. He crawled out of the driver's seat and closed the door behind him. Facing her, he reached out his hand to give her the keys. His fingers touched hers as she took the keys and she felt the old familiar tingling...

"Thanks, Nick."

He felt a warmth saturate his senses when she said his name.

"No problem. I used to be a valet."

"Really?"

"No."

He grinned at her humourously and she couldn't help but laugh.

They looked up as Sara pulled up in her Denali behind Alex's car. She didn't want this moment to end, and felt a need to stretch out this conversation, small talk or not. But she couldn't think of anything to say.

Nick felt a huge ache of regret as he looked back at Alex. He had managed to keep things light, but just a few minutes near her again had accentuated just how much he desperately wanted to be with her. He didn't want to go. Unfortunately, he had no choice.

"Well... I guess we better get going."

"Yeah. Um, thanks again. You guys are lifesavers, as usual."

He smiled. "No problem."

"Well, uh... See ya."

"Yeah. See ya."

He favoured her with a small smile and her heart suddenly felt as if it was being compressed. Catherine waved from behind Nick and Alex tried to put on a strong front.

"See ya, Cath."

She waved at Sara, climbed into her car and drove off down the back street.

Nick watched her drive away and then turned to climb into the back of the SUV. He saw Catherine eyeing him in the rearview mirror. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

He laughed and shook his head ruefully. "Catherine Willows, you're an evil, evil woman."

She shrugged and smiled back. "I can't help it if I'm a pillar of wisdom."

Sara snorted beside her and Catherine whacked her lightly on the arm in protest.

* * *

_Wow_... _wow wow wow_... _That was so_... _weird_.

Alex pulled into her driveway. Then she realized she couldn't even remember the drive home. She recalled quickly adjusting her seat and driving quickly away from the _man of her dreams_...

And he'd been... Well, he'd been so _nice_. She sat in her car for a moment longer, thinking.

_What just happened there_?

It had been so familiar, so comfortable. He was just as sweet, charming and funny as he'd always been.

_Give your head a shake_, _Winters_.

Nick had said it once before: _He's not going to stop being himself just because you're gone_.

She finally got out of her car and went inside her townhome. She didn't know if she felt better or worse now.

It quickly hit her:

_Worse_.

She definitely felt much worse. His casual manner seemed to be further evidence that he'd gotten over her already. He obviously didn't feel the chemistry between them anymore, and that's why he didn't have any trouble being his old friendly self towards her.

For the first time in weeks, she went upstairs and crawled into her bed in the middle of the day. Pulling the covers over her head, she cried until she fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Nick puttered around his kitchen full of nervous energy.

He was basking in the happiness of having spent a good 5 minutes with Alex, and he'd felt the old familiar stirrings returning. It had felt so good to just talk to her. It seemed as natural as it had before, and he thought he could sense that she'd felt it too...

Of course, he wasn't certain about that, but he was so happy right now he couldn't let the dark cloud of uncertainty spoil the moment for him. He ignored the petty doubts in the back of his brain and tried to coast along on this renewed sense of hope.

Since it was Friday, Nick decided to take a quick shower and then have a short nap. He had no idea what he was going to do this weekend, but he imagined he'd probably run some errands and hang out. 

As he stood in the shower, he sighed as he looked out through the glass doors.

Ever since that steamy dream he'd had about Alex, showering just hadn't been the same. He kept hoping she'd appear suddenly out of the mist and he'd make love to her under the water. He felt a vague sense of frustrated disappointment after every shower.

He turned off the taps and climbed back out. As he wrapped a towel around his waist, he heard his phone ringing and trotted out to grab it.

"Hello?"

"Nick, turn on the TV."

"_Sara_? What's going on?"

"Just do it. Go to channel 10. I'll wait."

He felt puzzled, but moved over to his TV remote. He hit the power button and flipped to channel 10.

"... _and no family members are available for comment_._ Again, we have just been informed that James Meadfield, Director of the Meadfield Enterprise has been found dead in his hospital room_._ Unconfirmed reports claim it may be suicide, but we won't know until_..."

Nick felt a wave of shock pass through him, and he sat down heavily on his living room chair.

"_Jesus_."

He continued to watch the report, but they had very little information outside the fact that he was definitely dead. The rest was only speculation and rumour at this point.

_This is unbelievable_.

He realized he was still holding the phone. "Sara? You still there?"

"Yep. Can you believe it?"

He shook his head in amazement. "I'm finding it hard to, actually. So this happened an hour ago?"

"Yeah. I've been trying to get through to somebody at work but nobody's picking up. I imagine they're getting innundated with calls right now."

"Yeah, no doubt." He blew out a stream of air. "This is just... _unbelievable_."

_What the hell happened_?

He found it hard to believe that James Meadfield would have taken his own life. He didn't think the man was scared of anything; he'd seemed so detached from everything around him, and that seemed to include life itself, judging by the way he'd taken Lisa Albertson's away from her so savagely. And he hadn't looked particularly scared during the pre-trial either. He'd seemed more unimpressed than anything. _Bored_, even. And he'd seen the smug look on the man's face as he'd looked at Alex.

He frowned.

_Alex_... _Does she know what's happened_?

"Sara, I gotta go. Thanks for the call. I'll talk to you later."

He hung up and quickly dialled Alex's number. Despite the fact that he'd never broken down and called her during the past weeks, he'd run her number through his head a million times...

No answer. After a few rings, her voicemail picked up. He tried again, but got the same result. He looked back at the TV, still repeating the same news. He flicked it off and went back to his room to get dressed.

_I better just go over there_,_ to be sure_.

* * *

Alex had finally gotten out of bed. She didn't really feel much better, but she decided to go for a run before she fell back into her old habits and found herself laying around depressed all day.

She was now jogging down a street in her neighbourhood as the sun began to get lower in the sky. It was still fairly hot, but today she didn't care. She just needed to let off some steam.

She reached a crossroads and jogged on the spot as she tried to decide which way to turn. She finally picked the way that wound back towards her house and started off.

She didn't notice the black Mercedes that monitored her progress from down the street. As she disappeared around a corner, the car accelerated and followed her down the street, slowly closing the distance between them...


	7. Chapter 7

Nick walked up to Alex's front door and squared his shoulders. He raised his hand to ring the bell, then felt a moment of indecision.

_Is this a good idea_?

If there was ever a chance for them to be honest about their feelings again, it was now, but... What if Alex really wasn't interested in being with him anymore?

_What if this hope that I've been cruising on for a week is totally bullshit_?

He stared hard at the door, hating this relentless uncertainty that had plagued him for so long.

_Ahhhh_... _Fuck it_. _It's the_ not knowing _that's killing me_.

He rang the bell and waited. He'd probably know soon enough where he stood with her. He frowned as he rang the bell again.

_Then again_, _maybe not_.

She didn't seem to be home. He looked back at her car parked in the driveway and sighed.

_Man_,_ this feels all too familiar_.

He remembered when Alex had first started avoiding him, and she hadn't answered the door when he'd come by, even though he'd been certain she was home every time...

Unnerved, he looked up at her bedroom window.

_Jesus_,_ I don't think I can go through that again_.

He turned away from the door and moved across her yard, heading towards his home.

* * *

Alex felt herself tiring, and thanked her lucky stars she was nearly home.

She turned up her walkman and moved her lips along with a Foo Fighters tune, singing about how _'It's times like these we learn to live again_.' She grinned a little at the irony and sped up her pace a bit. Just a little further and she'd walk off the last distance before she got home.

She finally reached the corner just before her house and came to a stop. She looked across the street, a little quiver of nervousness slipping through her as she noticed Nick's house.

_His SUV's there_... _He's probably home right now_.

Her walking pace slowed almost to a stop as she considered going over...

She came to her senses quickly.

_Even if there was any point in seeing him_, _I'm completely sweaty, red-faced and disgusting_. _And there isn't any point anyway_. _It's over_.

She stuck safely to the opposite side of the street and walked towards the corner.

* * *

Nick felt downcast as he made his way down Alex's street. Then he shook his head at his own foolishness.

_Man_,_ I'm an idiot_. _She's probably not even home_. _Relax_.

Even so, the doubts were still hovering around his mind.

_What did you hope would happen, anyway_? _She'd realize there was no need to stay apart anymore and she'd wrap her arms around you and tell you she loves you_?

Suddenly he felt surprised at himself.

_Love_? _What's love got to do with anything_?

He stopped walking for a moment, considering this new idea.

_I'm not_...

He thought about how empty he'd felt, as if a part of him had been missing all this time. If he was honest with himself, he had to admit he'd never felt anything like this for any other woman. _Ever_.

He knew it was true.

_Shit_. _I love her_.

None of the usual exulted feelings and joy accompanied this admission for Nick. All he felt was fear.

_What if she doesn't want to be with me at all_?

He dragged his feet along the sidewalk, trying ineffectually not to think about it. He reached the corner down the block from his house and looked up from his sombre study of the pavement below him. A familiar figure walked down the other side of the street with a walkman on...

_Alex_?

His heart sped up in his chest.

_She wasn't home afterall_.

It was only a small consolation, but it was something at least. She was playing with her walkman and hadn't seen him from across the street. He stopped and waited for her to see him.

* * *

Alex was getting annoyed with her walkman.

The batteries were fine, but it kept cutting out. She snapped the top open and looked at the CD inside.

_No scratches on the surface_.

She popped it back in and tried again. The song blasted in her ear again as she looked to her right before she crossed the street. There was a car a little way down, but she figured she could cross well before it reached her. She stepped out into the street and adjusted her volume again. The player wasn't cutting out this time.

_So far so good_...

She looked ahead of her and felt her feet slow down as she recognized the man standing at the corner on the opposite side.

_Nick_?

Her pulse had slowed down substantially after she'd stopped jogging, but she felt it begin to pick up again.

_Good thing my face is probably already red from running, or I'm sure I'd be blushing_.

Moving slowly across the street, she was about to smile tentatively when she saw Nick start to run towards her, calling out something she couldn't hear. He started to motion to her with his arms and she reached down to switch off her walkman.

She caught the end of him yelling "..._street_!" and then she heard an engine getting louder right behind her...

She turned as a black car was bearing down on her...

* * *

Nick heard the car engine rev as he watched Alex crossing the street and looked past her to see a big Mercedes accelerating towards her back. Shocked, it took a second for him to register what was happening. Then he was in motion as he yelled to her.

"Alex! Get off the street! Get off the street! Behind you! GET OFF THE STREET!"

She looked back at him in confusion as the car got nearer and he realized she couldn't hear him over her walkman. He was already running full-tilt, but he felt panic strike as the car got dangerously close and she actually paused in the street to turn the damned thing off. He managed a sudden burst of speed, probably from the adrenalin shooting through his veins...

_God, I have to reach her_...

* * *

Alex gasped as she realized too late what Nick had been trying to warn her about.

Like a deer in the headlights, she was frozen in shock as the car was practically on top of her...

She felt the breath knocked out of her as something hit her from the side and she went flying towards the pavement, and out of the path of the oncoming car.

As she hit the ground, she felt something partially breaking her fall, but she still managed to hit pretty hard, and she would have cried out if she'd had any air in her lungs... She rolled to her side, hearing a loud smash and a crunching noise somewhere in the periphery. Gasping for air, she tried to climb up on her hands and knees, feeling panicked and vulnerable but unable to do anything about it as she fought for breath.

Slowly, she could feel the oxygen filling her airway, and she took a deep breath, sputtering as her lungs fought with the sudden intake. She coughed and put her head down to the pavement, trying to calm herself down. She could hear people talking in the distance and feet running, and then she heard something nearby...

* * *

Nick groaned as he rolled slightly to his side...

Pain climbed through his body from the vicinity of his hip and his left arm. As he'd thrown himself into Alex, knocking her out of the way of the car, he'd twisted his body to the side, trying to keep from landing on her as they hit the ground.

Although it was all a blur after he'd pummelled into her, he'd obviously landed on his left side, judging by the pain shooting through that area. She must have landed on him, but she wasn't here now...

"Alex?"

He tried to claw his way up to a sitting position, and felt a new dose of pain in his arm. He looked down in agony, expecting to see a bone protruding, but it only looked badly scraped, and there was a gash near his elbow. He stretched it slowly and felt the pain again, but it didn't seem broken.

He looked up and saw Alex moving back off all fours to rest on her knees. She looked at him in shock, then she looked down the street. He followed her gaze.

The black car had missed Alex and kept going through the stop sign, smashing into the side of an SUV that had been driving down the cross street. People had come out of the surrounding houses and were lurking around the two vehicles, trying to see how the drivers were. One of Nick's neighbours jogged towards them on the street.

"Nick... I saw what happened from my yard. Are you guys OK?"

He squatted down on his haunches beside Alex first and touched her shoulder. She looked to be in shock, but she nodded up at him.

"I...I think I'm OK." She looked over at Nick.

"Nick?"

He pulled his knees up slowly and leaned on them. His hip was throbbing too, but he was sure there was nothing seriously wrong. He was probably going to have some fantastic bruises. He smiled at her gently.

"I'm fine."

Her eyes began to well-up as she watched him and he tried to pull himself up onto his feet. A sharp pain shot through his hip and he paused, grimacing.

Alex watched him and then scrambled to her feet, moving towards him quickly despite the aches in her own body. He'd taken the brunt of their fall, however, so she was much better off than he was.

She placed a hand carefully around his shoulder and tried to support him as stood. He placed his arm around her shoulder as well and felt the pain lessen somewhat once he was fully upright. Her face was close to his and she looked at him fearfully.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

He nodded and tried to smile reassuringly. "I'll be OK. I hit kind of hard, but I'm just bruised, I think."

She continued to look at him with concern and he noticed she hadn't taken her arm away yet. He kept his arm around her shoulder as well.

Nick's neighbour spoke up.

"My wife called the police, so hopefully they should be here any minute." He looked back at the crashed cars just down the street from where they stood. "I heard you yelling and I looked up to see that car racing down the street. It almost seemed like she was _trying_ to hit her..." He looked at Alex, perplexed.

"It was a woman?" Nick asked the man.

"Yeah. Older lady. There's a guy in the SUV, but I think he's in better shape than she is. She ran into his tail end and spun him around pretty good, but he's not bloody or anything. The woman's a mess though."

Nick nodded. "What the hell...?"

All he could do was shake his head in confusion. He looked back into Alex's face and felt her trembling beneath his arm.

"Alex, hon... Let's go sit on the curb... Wait for the police."

She looked back at him, uncomprehending, and he urged her gently across the street. "C'mon..."

She allowed herself to be led, even though she knew she was supposed to be the one supporting Nick. Just then they heard the sirens wailing in the distance. Alex stared towards the accident as they approached the curb.

_What just happened_? _I don't understand_...

She felt Nick begin to lower himself beside her, and she heard him grunt a bit from the effort. She snapped out if her shock then and quickly squatted down so she could help ease him down more softly.

He looked up at her and smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

She stood up in front of him and looked back at the cars again. Then she moved her eyes back to where they'd fallen on the street...

She went slowly down on her knees in front of Nick, not feeling the hard pavement scraping them. She took his hands as he watched her closely and she felt her eyes filling up.

"God, Nick... _What did you do_?" She started to cry and he pulled gently on her hands, easing her over beside him. He put an arm around her and held her tightly to his side.

"_Shhhh_... It's OK. We're OK. _Shhhh_..."

* * *

The officer stood with Nick, surveying the crash.

"I just ran the plates from the Mercedes. You'll never guess who it belongs to."

Nick looked bitter as he replied. "Let me guess: Margaret Meadfield."

The officer looked momentarily surprised. "Bingo. How'd you know?"

"Who else would try to run down Alex?" Nick looked over to where Alex spoke to another officer and frowned.

_That had been too close_. _Will she ever be able to escape this psychotic family_?

The officer interrupted his thoughts. "OK, well did you also know she's wanted for questioning in the death of her son?"

Nick's eyes widened in shock. "_What_?"

The older officer nodded. "Yeah... seems she was the last person in his room before he died,and they're still trying to figure out what killed him. Or _who_."

Nick processed this for a second. "So it wasn't a suicide?"

The officer shrugged. "If it was, I'm thinking it was an _assisted_ suicide... Whether he wanted it or not."

Nick was stunned at this news.

_Jesus_. _The whole family is certifiable_.

He looked back at Alex and pondered the whole picture.

Margaret Meadfield was currently on her way to the hospital with severe head trauma and it didn't look good. He hadn't actually seen her, but from what he'd overheard from the paramedics, she was probably already brain-dead. James Meadfield was already gone.

_Was Alex finally safe_? _Truly_, _once and for all out of danger_?

"I think these guys want to check you out, Stokes."

Nick looked up as the officer indicated a paramedic heading his way. He nodded to the officer and limped towards the ambulance.

* * *

Alex finished telling her version of the events that had ocurred, such as it was. She didn't have much to contribute outside of her brief glimpse at the front of the car and then feeling Nick knock her out of the way.

_Nick_.

She turned to look for Nick as the officer thanked her and moved towards one of the other witnesses. He was climbing into the back of the ambulance with the help of an attendant. She swallowed as she watched them raise his shirt and look at his side.

_God_,_ he could have been killed_...

She moved slowly towards the ambulance. As she reached the back, she overheard the paramedic telling Nick he needed to go to the hospital to get fully checked out, in case there were any fractures. He sighed noisily and started to protest.

"Look, I'm sure I'm Ok. I...."

He paused as he noticed Alex standing there. She gave him a shaky smile.

"Go with them Nick. I'll go get my car and follow you there. I can bring you home."

He looked slightly stunned, but then he nodded. "OK." Hesitating, he finally looked at the paramedics. "OK. Let's go then."

Alex stood back as they closed the doors and she watched as the ambulance sped away. Tears pushed at the back of her eyes again, and she felt frustrated at the lack of control she seemed to have on her own life.

_Am I cursed_? _Why is this happening to me_? _And Nick_...

She felt her heart thrumming in her chest as she acknowledged how close she'd come again to not only dying herself, but getting Nick killed as well. _Again_.

She began to tremble as she considered a world without him. It had been bad enough not being able to see him, but she couldn't imagine what it would be like if he wasn't at least out there _somehere_...

Feeling as though something heavy was pressing down on her, it finally dawned on her how much she really loved him.

Her heart ached intensely at the sudden insight and she fought to draw in a ragged breath. And she knew she wasn't sure she'd be able to go on if he wasn't out there somewhere alive and well at least, if not actually _with _her. She blew out the breath again.

_Thank God he's going to be OK_.

She remained on the brink of anxiety until a gentle tap on her shoulder broke the spell.

"Excuse me, Miss... is this yours?" It was Nick's neighbour again. He held out her now broken walkman. She couldn't figure out what she was looking at for a moment, thoughts of Nick still buzzing in her brain. Then she clued back in.

"Oh, yeah... My walkman." She gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

"I don't know how useful it is now, but I thought you might want it back anyway."

She nodded and thanked him again. Then she turned back in the direction of her house.

_Nick_. _I need to get to the hospital_.

She ran around the corner and went quickly into her home to retrieve her car keys.

* * *

****

****

**_A.N_:** I just wanted to let _Melliebee_ that I killed off James Meadfield just for her. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

As Alex searched for her keys, she looked down at herself. She was still in her sweaty jogging clothes.

She quickly ran to the bathroom and stripped down. She jumped in her shower, not even waiting for the water to heat up, and had herself cleaned up in about 2 minutes flat.

She felt some stinging as the water and soap hit the numerous cuts on her legs and arms, and the palms of her hands were also pretty scraped up. There was one particularly nasty cut on her elbow, but she scrubbed it clean, despite the pain.

She ran upstairs and threw on some clothes, pulled her hair back into a ponytail and ran out to her car.

* * *

Nick sat in his boxers on an examination table as a doctor gently prodded at his hip.

"I think it's OK. Just bruised. It's going to be sensitive for a little while. You may have some trouble sleeping; I can write you a prescription for some anti-inflammatories..."

Nick smirked. "No need. I still have some left over from my last accident."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "I hope this isn't a habit with you or something."

Nick laughed lightly and nodded. "Ah you know... I just like to mix it up a little every once and a while, to remind myself I'm human."

The doctor smirked and shook his head.

"Anyway, it's going to hurt for a while, but it will get better faster if you keep moving your joints regularly so they don't stiffen up. Starting _tomorrow_, that is. Tonight, _rest_. Should be much improved in a couple of days with the anti-inflammatories."

Nick nodded, feeling a little battle-weary. "I think I can manage that."

"Go ahead and get dressed. You can go. And if there isn't any improvement after three days, check with your physician. But I think you'll be fine."

The doctor moved to his next patient, leaving Nick alone to get dressed.

Nick climbed down with a bit of effort and moved towards his clothes on the chair beside the bed. He grabbed his pants and frowned as he noted the state they were in; not torn exactly, but definitely had some new and unusal wear on the side. And dirty.

_Oh well_._ I could stand a new pair anyway_.

He slowly pulled them on, wincing as they slid over his already black and blue hip.

Alex walked into the emergency wing, looking around for Nick. She quickly spotted him through a slit in a curtain of one of the bays. She thought he looked like he was alone so she made her way over.

As she neared the curtain, she saw him doing up his pants. He grimaced as he reached for his shirt, and gingerly started to try and pull it over his head, his arm clearly making it uncomfortable for him.

She slid inside the curtain and reached up for the material as she said his name softly.

"Nick... let me help."

He stopped and looked at her, taken aback to see her suddenly standing there. He grinned as she held the sleeve away from his arm abrasions while she slid the shirt down his chest.

"Thanks."

She'd changed form her running clothes, and he thought she looked beautiful, all freshly scrubbed and make-up free. His heart swelled a bit as he stood beside her.

She looked at him carefully. "Are you OK?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I should be back to normal in a few days. I'm just stiff and sore. Nice bruise right here." He put his hand down his side. "I'll live."

She watched him sadly and he moved in a little closer, speaking soothingly. "Hey, don't look so troubled.... _Tougher in Texas_, remember?"

She gave him a half-smile and nodded. "OK."

She looked suddenly uncomfortable and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "You ready to go? I'm parked close by..." He frowned at her elbow and she looked down at it. "Oh, it's OK. I cleaned it out."

"We should grab you a bandage..."

"It's OK. I want it to... to dry out a bit first. I've got bandaids at home. Can you leave now, or do you need to..."

She felt anxious to get out of here all of a sudden. She'd never had a problem with hospitals before, but right now she felt disturbed by the environment. It was making the reality of what had just happened that much clearer in her mind suddenly.

Again, she considered what she'd almost lost, and frowned.

He sensed her distress and nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

She turned to leave and he frowned.

_Maybe she's still in shock_.

It was getting dark as they reached her car. She opened the passenger side for him and then frowned.

"I hope it's not too uncomfortable for you... I guess your SUV would have been better; more room to stretch out in..."

"It'll be fine, don't worry."

He started to climb in and she stayed beside the door until he was in, just in case he needed help. He managed alright on his own though, and she went to the driver's side. He watched her closely.

"Alex?"

She looked at him questioningly.

"Are _you_ OK?"

She gave him a small smile. "Yeah... I'm alright."

She turned back to the steering wheel and started up the car. They drove back to his place in silence.

* * *

She went with him inside his house, and helped him lower himself down onto his sofa. Then she stood looking around. It felt strange to be here again... She'd missed it. She swallowed and brushed the thought away.

"Can I get you something? Water?"

"Uh, that'd be great... and if you could grab my anti-inflammatories out of the bathroom... I think they're in the medicine cabinet."

She nodded and went to the kitchen and found a glass. As she filled it with water, he thought how nice it was to have her back in his place again. She looked so at home in his kitchen...

She returned and handed him the glass, then headed to the bathroom. She flicked on the light and went to the cabinet. As she opened it, she saw a prescription bottle and pulled it out, reading the label...

_This must be them_.

As she went to close the cabinet door, she paused for a second as she saw the unopened box of condoms on the shelf inside, next to the mostly used box from before...

She felt a rush of sadness and longing as she closed the door and looked at herself in the mirror.

_You better get out of here as fast as you can_. _You're only prolonging the agony by remaining_.

"Alex? Can you find them?" Nick called from the living room and she jerked her head towards the door.

"Um, I think so?" She read out the label loudly and called back, "Are those the right ones?"

At his confirmation she returned to the living room. He smiled up at her as she handed them to him. He popped the cap and took out two pills.

She felt awkward as she stood there, watching him and not knowing what to do with herself.

_This is so different from the last time I was here_.

"Alex?"

She looked back at him curiously and he smirked slightly. "Do you want to sit down?"

She looked sheepish and sat in the chair. "Oh... yeah."

He grinned at her as he swallowed the pills and washed them down with the water. As he drained the glass, she looked up expectantly.

"Do you want some more? I can get you something to eat too, if you're hungry..."

He laughed lightly. "Alex, you don't have to be my nurse... it's OK. I'm fine."

"Oh, right.... sorry." She felt disheartened.

_I guess there's no need for me to stay, really_... _And things haven't changed anyway_. _I should leave_.

Her heart was aching again, but she shored up her courage. "Well, I guess I better go. You need your rest."

Disappointment settled on Nick. "No, I didn't _mean-_"

She cut him off. "No, really, it's OK. I have to get going."

She stood and he made like he was going to follow her, but she stopped him.

"Please... don't get up. You need to take it easy. I'm fine."

She moved toward the door and he stared at her retreating back sadly. As she grabbed the door handle she paused, speaking as she turned.

"Nick, I... I know I'm going to sound like a broken record but... I can't thank you enough for what you did today. You saved my life yet again and... Well..." She let out a big breath. "_Thank you_."

She looked at him, sad gratitude shining in her eyes.

"Alex, I-"

She interrupted again. "And I just want you to know I'll never, _ever_ put you in that position again. _Not ever_."

He looked back at her, stunned.

She smiled sadly, and then she was gone.

* * *

Alex sat heavily on her sofa and stared at the wall.

_God, that was awful_. _I wanted to stay with him_...

She sat back and wrapped her arms around herself.

_I don't know how I'm going to live without him_.

She frowned.

_But you will, Alex_. _You have to_. _At least he's OK_... _That's all that matters_.

She grabbed the phone and listened to her messages. Two from school friends, including Alison, and one from Catherine.

She called Alison and ended up leaving a message telling her not to worry; that she was fine. She did virtually the same with her friend Carrie, who'd just returned home from 2 weeks holiday to hear all this crazy news... She told her voicemail she'd call her soon and then hung up.

_Catherine_.

She really wanted to call the woman, but for some reason some of the last words she'd said to Alex that day stuck in her mind:

"_I know the truth_."

She'd felt unsettled after she'd heard them the first time, but now they left her with trepidation.

_What is it she thinks she knows_ _anyway_? _Is this about me and Nick_?

She thought about the strange conversation they'd had about prostitution, among other things that day in the cafe and wondered.

_But what does that have to do with anything_?

_Man, I'm just going to call her_. _She's pretty much left me alone about Nick_. _I can't see why it would change now_.

Except that she and Nick had nearly been killed again today. Which, she knew, was why she was feeling nervous about talking to her. She stared at the phone nervously.

_Screw it_. _She needs to know everything's fine_. _I definitely owe her that courtesy_,_ at the very least_.

Catherine seemed to know the whole story anyway, but she still seemed happy to hear from Alex just the same.

"God, Alex... _What a day_!" She laughed uncomfortably. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I... Nick managed to take the brunt of the fall. He's a lot more bruised and sore than I am."

She swallowed, wondering if she'd just given the other woman a lead-in for the topic they usually avoided. Then she added. "But he's OK."

Thankfully, Catherine didn't take the bait.

"Poor guy. Thank God he was there, though. That was a close one, Alex. _Again_."

Alex sighed. "_Don't I know it_. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a normal life again."

"Well, even if it was a shitty way for it to happen, at least it's finally all over for you now."

"Yeah, I guess. Except for the trial."

She wasn't looking forward to facing that psycho family again, but she knew it would finally be the end of it after that...

"Trial? What trial" Catherine sounded puzzled.

Alex frowned. "_What trial_? What do you mean? _James Meadfield's trial_... the one we attended the preliminary hearing for today? Ring any bells?"

She was at a loss as to how Catherine could forget it.

Catherine was astonished. "Alex, there's not going to be a trial now."

She felt bewildered. "_What_? _Why not_?"

"Because James Meadfield is _dead_... Didn't you know that?"

Alex was floored and Catherine spoke again when she hadn't replied for a bit.

"Alex? You didn't know? This afternoon... He died in the hospital this afternoon. It happened a while before your... accident."

Alex was still finding it hard to speak. "God... I... What happened? In court... He looked..."

She trailed off and Catherine tried to explain.

"Nobody knows for sure... _yet_. It's looking suspicious, though...They were actually trying to bring his mother in for questioning when she tried to... Well, you know." She still couldn't believe Alex hadn't known this. "Didn't you see it on the news this afternoon? I thought that's why Nick..."

Alex frowned, still trying to process everything.

"I didn't watch TV today. I was jogging. I went for a jog and then I saw Nick, and then the _car_..." She sighed heavily. "_I had no idea_. My God, Catherine..." It finally sank in. "Is it true? He's really dead?"

Catherine laughed in surprise. "Yeah, it's the truth. He's as dead as they come, and it's all over. No trial, nothing. And it's my understanding that Margaret Meadfield isn't expected to survive. If she does, she'll be a vegetable."

Alex didn't know how much more of this she could assimilate. "God..."

"Alex, do you want me to come over there? I don't mind."

"No, Catherine... It's OK. I'll be... I'll be alright. Thank you."

She finished the call and hung up, still in a state of shock. She couldn't believe it.

_Can this really be finally over_?

* * *

Nick sat miserably on his sofa. He hadn't even bothered to turn on his TV, knowing he'd find little solace there.

_She left_. _Just like that_.

He didn't know what happened. He knew they were both acting on edge around each other, but he had been so nervous and excited just being with her again... Especially having her back in his _house_... And he'd figured that she was feeling the same way, but...

A_pparently not_.

He clenched his jaw, thinking about how fast she'd gotten out of there.

There couldn't have _been_ a better opportunity for her to tell him how she really felt. James Meadfield was dead and there'd be no trial. They had nothing to lose anymore. But she'd still left him.

It was obvious.

_We were right all along_. _She wasn't trying to protect me she just doesn't care about me after all_. _Simple as that_.

He could feel the drugs kicking in and he felt himself getting weary. He was happy he'd have that little extra help getting to sleep tonight. He had a bad feeling he was going to be experiencing his old sleeplessness again shortly.

Later, as he felt himself dozing off in bed, he heard his phone ringing and he opened one eye to stare at it. He frowned and rolled over onto his uninjured side, not wanting to talk to anybody else tonight.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A.N**:_ Well, it's the weekend and I _clearly_ have nothing better to do... Ah, what an exciting life I lead... ;)

* * *

Alex woke up at 3 in the morning, drenched in sweat and panicked. She flicked on her bedside lamp and tried to calm herself.

The nightmare had returned, and this time Margaret Meadfield had been thrown into the mix, advancing towards her with a large knife as her son pointed his gun at Nick and fired.

She hugged her knees against her chest, rocking herself as the tears flowed.

_Dammit dammit dammit_.

She padded down to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, feeling an ache in her elbow. She looked down and saw the cut. She went to the bathroom and found a bandaid.

_I don't think I can get back to sleep right now_...

she went downstairs and turned on the TV, feeling other aches in her body as she sat down. Infomercials and bad 70's movies flashed past as she hit the channel button. As a final resort, she pulled out a DVD and threw it in her machine.

_Maybe a little 'Bridget Jones Diary' will cheer me up_...

Much later, having watched the entire movie and half of_ Lord of the Rings_: _The Two Towers_, she finally felt tired enough to go back to bed. The sun was already up as she climbed beneath the sheets and fell instantly asleep.

* * *

Nick woke up early and felt a moment of surprise as he rolled over and felt a pain in his side. He grimaced, confused and then it all came back to him.

_Man_...

He sat slowly up, tenderly rubbing his arm. The sadness returned next.

_Alex_... _Shit_.

Sighing, he crawled slowly out of bed and limped to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he eyed his bruises suspiciously.

_This might actually hurt_.

He sighed and climbed in, needing the spray to clear the medicated cobwebs from his mind. As he got used to the pressure on his battered bones, he leaned his face into the downpour of warm water.

_Maybe she'll come by today_, _to check up on me_.

He finished his shower and towelled off.

_Don't hold your breath_,_ man_.

He walked out to the living room in his towel and grabbed his pills. Limiting them to just one during the day, he washed it down and went back to his room to tryto get dressed.

_Well_,_ I'm sure as hell not going to sit around here all day_,_ hoping she shows up_. _I'm through beating myself up over this_. _Time to move on_.

He looked at his watch. 9:30 am. He had errands to run. He got dressed and and made his way out to his SUV. He drove past Alex's house and managed to refrain from looking in that direction.

_Enough is enough_.

He headed towards the mall.

* * *

Alex woke up and stretched.

_Ah_,_ no more nightmares_... _good stuff_.

She sat up and looked at her clock radio.

_Wow_... _it's late_.

She hopped out of bed and felt the aches and pains again.

_Man_,_ I'm stiff_.

She reached her arms over her head and tried to loosen her muscles slightly.

_If I feel like this, I wonder how Nick's feeling_...

_Nick_.

She desperately wanted to see him again, but...

She knew it was too late for her, but there wouldn't be any harm in just popping by to see how he was doing, would there? She chewed her lip.

_I mean_,_ it's not like we can't be friends_...

She snorted as she saw herself in the mirror, and spoke out loud to her reflection.

"Alex, my girl, there's no way you could just be friends with Nick Stokes. You know that never works, especially when one person is in love with the other."

Still, she thought it would be the right thing to do; just pop by and see if he needs anything... What harm could there be in that?

The only thing I'm risking is my pride, and I don't think I have enough _left _to care about anymore. She looked at herself one last time.

_OK_, _that settles it_.

She took a quick shower, got dressed quickly and headed for the door.

* * *

Nick swung by the LVPD building to see if he could find out the final details of the whole Meadfield fiasco.

He couldn't deny he was curious to see if they'd figured out how Meadfield had died. The way things had turned out, he wouldn't be surprised if his mother _had_ had a hand in it.

He limped down the hall and immediately ran into Barnes. The other man looked surprised to see him, but Nick tried to ignore him, continuing down the hall. Barnes spoke though, and he was forced to turn around.

"Stokes... Man, you OK? You're limping."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Didn't you hear about yesterday?"

The taller man nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Glad you're OK. What are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to find out what happened with Meadfield's death. I'm looking for Foreman."

"I can see if..."

Nick cut him off. "Don't bother, man. You've already helped me more than enough." He threw a penetrating gaze at Barnes and the cop looked at his feet uncomfortably. Nick didn't wait to see if he had a reply, and made his way down the hallway.

* * *

Alex pulled up short when she reached Nick's driveway. The Denali wasn't there.

She sighed in disappointment and turned to go, but a voice called out.

"Hey... You're the woman from yesterday... How are you doing?"

Nick's neighbour smiled kindly at her and she smiled slightly.

"Oh, I'm OK. Thanks."

"That's good. I think Nick must be OK too. I saw him leave earlier this morning, so I think he must be doing alright."

"Oh? That's good then." She nodded.

She _was_ happy that he was up and at it already. "Well, I guess I'll just head back home then. Thanks again."

"I'm glad you're both OK. See ya round."

Alex walked home slowly, pondering her position.

_I guess if he's driving around_, _he probably doesn't need any help from me_. _It'd look even more obvious if I went back over there_,_ now_...

She continued walking, feeling glum.

_Life sucks_.

Once she got home, she tried calling Alison again. The other woman was home this time and they made plans to meet that afternoon and go shopping. Alison came and picked her up an hour later, and they headed into town.

* * *

Nick returned home and frowned.

_What am I going to do with the rest of my afternoon_?

As he carefully climbed out of his SUV, he waved at his neighbour out mowing his lawn. The man switched off the motor.

"Glad to see you up and about, Nick. You feeling OK?"

"Yeah thanks, Tim. And thanks for yesterday, too. I appreciate it."

"Oh, I didn't do anything."

"Well, anyway, thanks. I'm sure Alex appreciated your concern too."

"Is that her name? I didn't know it when she stopped by earlier... I guess I should have introduced myself."

Nick eyed the man with surprise. "She was here? When?"

"Oh, a couple hours ago, I guess. She looks alright too."

Nick nodded distractedly, his thoughts suddenly elsewhere.

"Yeah. Well uh, thanks again, Tim. I'll see ya later."

"You bet."

Nick went inside and leaned against a bar stool, thinking.

_She came by_... _Shit_. _I should have stayed home this morning_.

He looked at his phone, hoping she might have left him a message. He flicked it on... _one message_. He found himself holding his breath as he cued it up.

_Catherine_. _Damn_.

He sighed as he listened to her asking him to call her asap. He deleted the message and dialled her number.

"Nick? How you doing, hon?"

"I'm OK Catherine. A little stiff and sore but I'll survive."

"I can't believe any of this. What a case this turned out to be..."

He laughed. "Yeah, no shit. But at least it's finally over. Well, for us anyway."

"Yeah, Nick... About that..."

He frowned. "What's up, Catherine?"

He didn't think he could handle any more bad news, and he was still confused about the fact that Alex had come by earlier.

"You didn't tell Alex about James Meadfield's death yesterday?"

His frown deepened. "Not exactly, no... But I figured... Why are you asking?"

"I talked to her last night after she took you home and she had no idea the man was dead. She was blown away when I told her."

He felt astonished. "But..."

Then he remembered that she'd been out jogging when he'd gone to tell her the news.

"My God. It never even occurred to me that she didn't know. After the whole thing was over, I just assumed..."

He heard Catherine laugh on the other end. "Well, you two have had such healthy levels of communication in the past... Why am I not surprised?"

"Listen, Cath... I have to go..."

"Yeah, I bet you do."

He laughed. "I'll talk to you later."

He heard the warmth in her voice as she finished the call. "Let me know how it goes, Nicky."

"I will. Thanks, Cath."

He hung up and stared out the window across from him.

_Could she have possibly still thought she needed to protect him last night_? _Was that why she left so quickly_?

He saw his neighbour in the yard next door.

_And she came by today_...

He headed to the door and made his way outside. He went out to the sidewalk and turned towards Alex's place.

* * *

Alex laughed at a bad joke Alison had made.

"I can't believe they're going to let you teach _kids_..."

"_Frightening_, isn't it?" Alison grinned back at her.

They'd shopped for hours and had decided to make a night of it, starting with dinner.

Alex munched on her veggie burger and felt thankful for the presence of her young friend. She knew that it was going to take her some time to get back into her "_getting over Nick_" groove, especially after having been so close to him yesterday. It was nice to have the distraction. She tried to keep the conversation going, keeping her mind off her own troubles.

"So, Al... I've been meaning to ask you about that guy... The one you went home with that night after the country bar..."

"Oh, so you _do_ remember that night... I thought you were too blitzed at that point..."

Alex felt guilty and was about to admit to her friend that she'd accidentally intruded on the two of them together in bed the following morning, but Alison went on.

"Man, so do you remember crying over that guy?"

Alex stiffened and Alison realized her mistake too late.

"_What_?"

"Um, nothing..."

"Alison. Talk to me."

"Uh... Well, you kept going on about some guy... Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

Alex felt her face turning red. "Oh, man. _I didn't_... What did I say?"

"Well, you were obviously upset because you had to dump him, and it had something to do with that freak who tried to... Well, _you know_. I didn't really understand what you meant."

Alex looked totally embarrassed now and Alison felt even worse.

"God, Alex, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to mention it again." Then she looked at Alex curiously.

"Who is he, Alex? I didn't know you were seeing anyone..." Then she seemed to remember something. "Catherine said she knew him..."

_Oh shit_...

Alison cursed her big mouth yet again as she saw Alex looking back at her, even more stunned than before.

"_Catherine_? You talked to Catherine about me... about what I said?"

She was incredulous now, and Alison felt like crawling under their table. She smiled uncomfortably.

"Look, I'm... I'm sorry. It's just that... Well, I was _worried_ about you. And so was Catherine."

"_When_? _What did you say to her_?"

Alison had never seen Alex angry before, and she was beginning to believe she never wanted to see it again.

"Uh, that morning at the coffee shop."

"What did you tell her, _Alison_."

Alison flinched at Alex's tone when she said her name, then told her what she'd said. Alex leaned back in her seat in astonishment.

_If Catherine had heard all that and put two and two together_:

Why she'd really pushed Nick away...

_But she hadn't said anything to Nick, had she_?

Nothing had changed after that morning...

_Unless she'd told Nick and it hadn't mattered_...

Because the damage was already done.

She looked very tired all of a sudden and Alison felt guiltier than ever.

"Alex, _I'm really sorry_. I swear... I didn't mean any harm. I was just..."

Alex sighed.

"_It's OK, Alison_. I know you didn't. And there was no harm done."

She frowned as she realized it was all over now anyway. And the information hadn't changed a thing. Either Catherine had kept quiet about it... or Nick just didn't care. She felt a fresh aching in her heart again.

"Alison, I think I'm ready to go home now." Alison looked stressed and she tried to console her. "Don't worry. I promise you I'm not mad. I just... I need to go home."

Alison nodded unhappily. "I'll get the bill."

* * *

As they drove towards her house, Alex felt about as worthless as she'd ever felt.

_Maybe he's known all along_.

And then she just felt stupid.

Alison chattered at her nervously and Alex tried to stay tuned into the conversation, not wanting her friend to feel any worse than she already did. As they rounded the corner, she looked over at the young woman and smiled.

_Poor kid_. _I must have scared her_.

Alison stopped mid-sentence, frowning. "Alex? There's someone on your step."

Alex turned to look as they pulled into her driveway and felt shock ripple through her.

_Nick_.

Alison looked closer. "Hey, isn't that the hot cop who was looking after the Meadfield thing for you..." She watched Alex stiffening beside her and hit the break as they rolled up behind Alex's Corolla. "Are you OK?"

Alex nodded, trying to stop her heart from beating so fast, certain that Alison must be able to hear it.

"Yeah, it's good. I mean, I'm good. Uh, I'm OK."

Alison looked at her curiously. "Are you _sure_?"

Alex felt the blush in her cheeks and was thankful it had grown dark. "Yeah... It's cool. I... better go see what he wants."

"Do you want me to stay?" Her friend looked concerned and she tried to smile to ease her fears.

"No, it's OK. Really... Thanks for today, Alison. I needed it. I had fun."

"Uh... _OK_. Well, call me if you need anything."

She was frowning as Alex climbed out of the car. She slammed the door and looked back through the open passenger-side window.

"OK. Thanks. I'll call you soon."

She turned away and Alison paused for a moment, then backed out of the driveway and onto the street. She watched Alex in her rearview mirror as she moved towards the man slowly...

* * *

She smiled tentatively as she reached him. "Hi."

He smiled back. "Hi."

She felt awkward and crossed her arms in front of her. "Uh, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

He continued to watch her closely, smiling gently. "Yeah, I _think_ so... Can I come in for a minute?"

Excitement lit up her senses and she tried to hide her body's response. She smiled nervously and nodded slowly.

"Yeah... Yeah, sure. Come on in."

She unlocked her door and went inside, holding the door for him as he followed her. He passed by her and as he moved into the living area, she looked at his back in wonder.

_Why are you here, Nick?_

Her pulse raced as she dared to consider the possibilities


	10. Chapter 10

Alex watched him limping and felt her mouth turning down, despite her excitement at having him there. He turned to see her expression.

"What's wrong?" He frowned himself.

"Oh, I... your limp." She eyed him with concern. "How are you feeling?"

He gave her a small smile. "I'm fine, _really_. Don't worry. And you look a little stiff yourself; Are _you_ OK?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. I think you took the worst of the fall..."

He watched as she seemed lost in memory and the sadness was creeping back into her features. He tried to derail her thoughts.

"So Tim said he saw you today... You came by?"

"Tim?"

"My neighbour."

"Oh. Yeah, I went by this afternoon. I just wanted to see how you were doing, and if you needed anything." She shrugged and smiled a little self-consciously. "I guess you're fine... And you don't need anything."

He smirked.

_Yeah_, _that's where you're wrong, Alex_.

"Ahhhh. Yeah, I had some errands to do."

He moved his weight to his other leg and Alex realized she hadn't offered him a seat yet.

"God, Nick... Please sit down. I'm sorry, I should have..."

They both sat down, and she looked at him from the sofa.

"Do you want something to drink? Water, juice... probably a beer isn't a good idea since you're on medication."

He laughed. "Uh, water would be good. Thanks."

He watched as she went upstairs to the kitchen and then clenched his hands in front of him uncertainly.

_Man_, _what am I going to say_?

He shook his head at himself.

He'd been wandering around the block, telling himself that he'd been stretching out his aching muscles, but in truth he'd been waiting for Alex to return home. He figured she was out somewhere, even though her car was there. He rationalized that she wouldn't have come to see him earlier if she still wanted to avoid him.

All the time he'd been wandering around and waiting for her, he'd been running over what he wanted to say to her, but everytime he thought he had a good speech, he changed his mind and started worrying again.

_What if she really can't get by the whole Kristy Hopkins thing_? _What if she really isn't interested anymore_? _What if_...?

And now here he was, totally unprepared. The moment she'd smiled at him at the front door, his brain had erased everything he'd been thinking about saying and left him with nothing but small talk.

She came back downstairs and he tried to appear relaxed. He reached out for the glass and watched her sit back down across from him.

"Thanks."

She had a glass herself and the two of them sat sipping in silence, neither knowing what to say.

Alex had gone through several stages of panic as she'd been upstairs, and had ended up even more nervous than she'd been before. She looked at him feeling helpless, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, he spoke up again.

"So, I was sorry I missed you." Her eyebrow raised slightly and he stumbled to continue. "I mean, _today_. I was sorry I missed you today, so I thought I'd come around and see how you were."

She nodded, still stuck for words. "Thanks."

"So, well... Um... A lot has happened... to you...and... Well, it looks like it's all over... _at last_. You're finally in the clear, Alex. You must be so... relieved."

She considered his words carefully and nodded, but was unable to admit to him that right now the_ last_ thing she was feeling was _relief_. She felt like someone had attached an electrode to her body, and kept giving her shocks sporadically. She was worried she might leap out of her skin at any moment.

"Alex?"

She looked up, worried she'd missed something he'd said. "Yeah?"

"How are you feeling about all this?"

He looked at her intently and she wanted to scream. She wanted to jump to her feet and throw herself into his arms, tell him that if she couldn't be with him, she might lose her mind.

All she said was, "Um, OK I guess."

He eyed her with amusement. "Just OK? That's it?"

His eyebrows were fully raised by this point and she shook her head in embarrassment.

"Uh, yeah, I guess there's more but I... it's just a lot to take in, you know? I don't even know where to start..."

She sighed and ran her fingers back through her hair as she leaned back on the sofa.

_I know where I'd like to start_,_ though_.

She looked at her knees, not wanting him to see the longing that was probably shining in her eyes.

He smiled sympathetically and nodded. "Yeah, I bet."

She looked back up as he spoke and he looked into her eyes warmly.

"I guess the most important thing is that you got through it all. You're going to be OK, Alex."

She felt her insides turning to warm jelly. "I know. I..." She shook her head and breathed heavily.

_And it was all thanks to you_,_ Nick_... _If only I had the nerve to tell you how much it all meant to me_... _How much YOU mean to me_.

She watched as his face became serious, and a sense of unease worked its way down her spine. She swallowed nervously as he stood up and walked over to one of her windows. He let out a long breath and then turned back to face her.

As he looked at her expectant face, he thought to himself.

_OK_,_ it's now or never_.

"Alex... Can I ask you something?"

She could barely respond, she was so unnerved by his sober tone. "Uh, yeah... sure."

He moved a little closer, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Do you think... Do you think you've had enough space?"

She frowned as she tried to figure out what he meant. _Huh_?

"Um... What do you mean?"

He still watched her closely and his expression remained sombre.

"_Space_. In the message you left me, you said you needed some space."

Her eyes widened in shock.

_Oh_,_ God_...

She felt all the blood draining from her face for a change, and she looked at him in confusion.

"Nick, I..." She shook her head, unable to formulate words.

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and he managed to look even more serious. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach now as he spoke.

"_You never really needed space did you_." It was a statement, not a question.

A knot had formed in his stomach as he'd been gauging her reaction. He began to doubt himself as she looked back at him like a cornered animal.

This was not the reaction he'd been hoping for.

He'd thought she'd look more relieved or something; happy to finally get to tell him the truth. But now he wasn't sure he wanted to know the truth. It didn't look like it was going to be what he'd been hoping for.

He finally looked away, his eyes on the floor. Alex's eyes were misting over as she fought to overcome her confusion.

_He looks so unhappy_... S_o why is he asking me this_? _Or maybe it's disgust_... _Has he known all along_, _after all_? _He must think I'm so pathetic_.

She knew it was going to rip her apart when he finally shot her down, but she had to tell him the truth. If nothing else, she could finally be honest with him, no matter what he thought of her.

"No Nick, I never really needed space. I... _I lied to you_."

His head had snapped up as she spoke and his surprise was mirrored in his face. His eyes darkened slightly and he braced himself as he asked the question that had been playing havock with his sanity for weeks.

"_Then why, Alex_? Why did you pull away from me?"

She flinched at the look of hurt in his eyes and it broke her heart to think that she might have caused him pain.

Then it dawned on her:

_He's in pain_? _Does that mean_... _Could he still_...?

She felt a different type of tension now.A tiny hint of hope settled in somewhere beneath the fear.

"Because I... I didn't want you to..."

_God, how do I say this_?

She didn't want to blow her chances, if indeed she did have a chance now...

"I couldn't bare the thought of you getting in trouble because of me, Nick. I couldn't live with myself if anything bad ever happened to you..."

Then she looked down at the floor, a self-deprecating look on her face. She shook her head.

"Except that you _have_ gotten hurt, haven't you? And it was all my fault..."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she couldn't look up at him again, afraid of what she might see.

Nick felt as if his heart might explode. His pulse was running like a racehorse.

_She didn't_... _She_ _never_...

He felt something release inside of him, something painful that he'd been holding onto for too long. The empty hole in his chest began to fill in with something else...

All he could thing was,_ Thank God_.

His lips twitched into a small smile as he moved towards her, unable to take his eyes off her downturned face. He sat beside her on the sofa and reached out a hand to gently touch her cheek.

She looked up then, uncertainty reflecting in her watery eyes. He smiled at her hopefully.

"You did it for _me_?"

When she finally understood what he was asking, her heart seemed to stop for a moment and then kicked back in with a vengeance. Continuing to stare at him in wonder, she took a breath and finally spoke softly.

"_Yes_."

He smiled wider now and caressed her cheek tenderly. "_Unbelievable_...."

He shook his head and laughed. She watched his amusement and risked a small smile. She wanted to touch him, but she still wasn't sure...

"In light of everything that's happened, this may be the wrong thing to say, but I'm going to risk it anyway..."

He suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him, mumbling into her hair.

"Alex, _I could kill you_... _if I didn't need you so much_."

She felt him laughing softly and she clung to him tightly, suddenly desperate to be as close to him as possible.

"God, Nick... _I'm so sorry_."

She felt the tears flowing freely now and she moved her face into his neck. "I didn't think I was going to make it without you. I've missed you _so much_."

She sniffled loudly and he groaned out loud, squeezing her tighter. He pulled back and placed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. Then he leaned back slightly, his face still close to hers.

"Alex, you have no idea how much I've been longing to hear that... I've been going crazy without you."

His lips pressed down on hers and she felt like she was on fire. His hands ran through her hair desperately and she moaned in happiness as she savoured the taste of him once again. She held onto his shoulders with the same intensity, afraid to let go.

They held each other tightly, and it was only when Alex felt him stiffen after she ran her hands down his arms that they pulled apart.

"Oh, Nick... I'm so sorry. Your_ arm_..."

He chuckled. "It's OK."

He reached out to hold her again and accidentally rubbed against her elbow, and this time she was the one to flinch. He looked sorry and was about to say so when she laughed.

"Wow. We're a mess." She smiled at him through her tears of happiness.

He laughed and nodded. "I desperately want to pick you up, throw you over my shoulder and carry you up to your bed, but..."

"It might kill us both in the process?"

They laughed together, and Nick held onto his sore side.

"Jeeze... This laughing isn't helping much either. This is a sad state of affairs."

She grinned at him shyly. "I'm not feeling sad, though."

He flashed her the full wattage smile and she sighed to herself as he replied.

"No, me either."

He moved back in slowly and they held each other close, not speaking for a moment. Then she pulled back and looked at him earnestly.

"Nick, there's so much we need to talk about. I need to-"

He stopped her with a kiss.

He still felt nervous about the Kristy Hopkins thing, and he was a bit worried about discussing it. He didn't want to ruin the feeling of joy that he'd found again. At least, not for tonight.

She kissed him back eagerly, and he felt a little more secure again.

"Alex, we have a lot to talk about. There are things I need to tell you too, but..."

She looked at him curiously.

"But I'm... I'm just so _tired_."

He laughed softly and she smiled back at him, reaching out to run a finger down his chin lightly. He loved having her touch him again and had to stop himself from closing his eyes and simply basking in the pleasure... She leaned over and kissed him lightly.

"I know exactly how you feel. _I'm_ _exhausted_. Life has been wearing me out lately."

He looked at her closely and felt a bit of concern as he could see that she was speaking the truth.

"Oh hon... I'm _sorry_... I should have probably waited until tomorrow to come by and talk to you. This has all been so-"

"_What_?" She looked at him in shock.

"Nick, half the reason I'm so weary is because I've been working so hard to keep you off my mind. Honest to God... After being with you again after the accident yesterday and... well..." She exhaled noisily. "I just don't think I could've handled any more... _space_."

She smirked in embarrassment. He grabbed her hand, smiling.

"Me either."

He looked down at her fingers and stroked one absently. "Can I... Can I stay with you tonight? I just want to hold you..."

She moved back into his arms carefully and put her lips to his ear, whispering softly. "You _better_."

He laughed softly and hugged her closer.

* * *

Later, as they lay entwined in Alex's bed, Nick played with her hair as she slept and thought about how lucky he'd been...

If someone had told him a week or so ago that he was going to be lying here with Alex in his arms again, he'd have said they were nuts. _Now_...

He sighed happily. They were together and they were going to be alright...

He felt a shadow cross his mind...

_If she understands about my past_.

Nick pulled her more tightly to him and she snuggled into him, sighing in her sleep.

_She'll understand_... _Won't she_?


	11. Chapter 11

_The gun was levelled at Nick now, and Meadfield was getting ready to fire as Margaret advanced slowly towards her_... _Her feet were frozen in place, not unlike the scream that wouldn't come_ ... 

"_Alex_."

In her dream, she turned toward the faraway voice.

_Where did that come from_? _She began to turn back, to help Nick_...

"_Alex_."

She felt herself being shaken now and blinked as she looked up into the face staring down at her.

"Are you alright, hon? You were having a bad dream..."

He frowned down at her, the concern still evident in his warm brown eyes despite the darkened room.

She slowly sat up. "Nick?"

He put an arm around her and hugged her close. "You're OK now. It was just a dream."

He stroked her arm lightly. She felt relief roll through her.

_Nick_... H_e's here_, _and he's fine_. _No James Meadfield_,_ no Margaret_...

Just the man she loved, healthy and safe.

She leaned into him gratefully and he hugged her closer to him. She hugged him back.

"Yeah, I'm OK. I've been..."

She suddenly didn't want to tell him about the nightmares, but he was too perceptive.

"How long have you been having them? The nightmares?"

She smiled half-heartedly as she put her head on his shoulder. "Since... Since we broke up."

He leaned back and tilted his head to look her in the eyes.

"Well, now they can stop then." He smiled tenderly and she gave a small laugh.

"OK... Doctor."

"That's right. And I know best."

He leaned back and laid down again, pulling her carefully with him. She put her head next to his and slid her arm over his chest. He kissed her softly and pulled her closer.

* * *

Later that morning, Alex woke up again as the sunlight filled her bedroom. She stretched out dreamily and smiled as she reached for...

_Nick_?

She felt a moment of panic as she realized she was alone.

_Oh God_... D_id I dream the whole thing_?

Then an aroma filled her senses and she smiled in relief.

_Pancakes_.

She crawled out of bed and started to make her way downstairs. As she moved, she noticed that her aches and pains had lessened considerably. She was smiling guiltily as she entered the kitchen, unable to stop herself from imagining what might occur between them after Nick was feeling better as well. She felt her face heating up as she remembered their last weekend together...

Nick looked up from his place behind the stove and smiled warmly.

"Morning, darlin'. Thought you might like some pancakes for breakfast." He stopped, regarding her with curiosity. "You're blushing."

She turned even redder as he made his way towards her, but she tried to downplay it.

"Gimme a break. I just woke up and I'm a little flushed. It's normal."

He grinned knowingly and she had to look away. She heard his chuckle in front of her.

"Yeah, _riiiiight_..."

She grabbed his hand as she laughed. "Quit picking on me. I'm just happy you're here, OK? Happy now?"

He pulled her close and kissed her slowly and deeply. She felt her stomach begin to flutter and her blood seemed to run hotter all of a sudden. As he pulled away, he gave her a meaningful look.

"Yeah, I _am _happy now."

She blushed again. "Me too."

She looked over his shoulder and tried to regain her composure. "And I'll stay happy if you don't burn my pancakes."

He turned quickly, then frowned. "They're not burning."

She laughed. "I _know_ they're not. Let's keep it that way."

His brows went up. "What, are you trying to get rid of me already?"

He pulled her closer in mock-outrage and she giggled as he started nibbling on her neck.

"Nope, definitely not. Your pancakes are _way_ too good to give up."

He laughed and then groaned as he moved towards the stove.

"OK, OK. I give up. You win." Trying to look disgruntled, he shook his head at her. "I didn't realize you'd be this hungry."

Instead of his intended look of annoyance, he just looked adorable, standing at the stove in his boxer shorts, flipping pancakes. She sat down at the dining table, enjoying the view.

Then she noticed the dark bruise that climbed up his side from beneath his boxers. She felt a little sad, and it halted her smile for the moment.

Nick followed her eyes to his bruise and smiled gently.

"_Hey_."

She looked up in question and he tried to assuage her sadness.

"I'm _fine_, I promise you. In fact, I feel better today already." She looked a little skeptical, so he went on. "I guess a night with you was threrapeutic or something."

She had to laugh at that.

"Wow. I've been called many things, but _therapeutic_ was never one of them."

* * *

As they curled up together on the sofa, Alex grabbed the TV remote.

"I hope you don't think this is morbid, but... I need to see what's going on."

He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. "No, I don't think it's morbid at all. Try Channel 10. They have regular news excerpts."

They watched a bit of a program before they saw images from the Meadfield case flash across the screen. As Alex watched, she saw reporters trying to talk to Mrs. Albertson, but she pushed away from them. Alex slowly sat up, thinking.

"Alex? What's wrong?" He rubbed her back softly.

She turned and smiled at him genuinely.

_Damn, he's so sweet_.

"Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking that maybe I should go see the Albertsons today. I can't imagine what they're feeling right now... Do you think they feel cheated? Because he's not going to suffer in prison for the rest of his life?"

Nick tilted his head in thought.

"I doubt it. I bet they're glad the bastard's dead." He looked at her carefully. "How about you? How do you feel?"

She looked at her lap and thought about it. He said nothing as she considered his question. Then she gave him a penetrating look.

"I'm _glad_ he's dead. I know that's an awful thing to say, but... Now I can have my life back. He got what he deserved, for what he did..."

Nick nodded. "There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. The guy was _evil_."

He looked so sincere, she felt incredibly moved. He was always so supportive. She grinned slightly and he grabbed her hand.

"I can get you their address if you want. I'm sure they'll want to see you, too."

* * *

Nick was incredibly understanding when she said she needed to go by herself. She'd seen a flash of disappointment behind his eyes, but he quickly covered it and grabbed her hands.

"OK. If that's what you want." He kissed the back of one hand and eyed her hopefully. "See you later?"

She couldn't stop the smile from forming. "If you're not too busy..."

He gave her a big smile. "Only with you, darlin'. Only with you... If you'll have me."

"Then you'll definitely see me later."

He smiled as she pulled out of her driveway. As he walked back to his house, he started to consider how to tell her the story of Kristy Hopkins and Nick Stokes. He felt a momentary nervous tremor, but fought it back.

_It'll be alright_. _She'll understand_.

* * *

Alex pulled up to the modest home, parking behind a Bronco in the driveway. As she climbed out of the car, she saw Lisa's brother David at the window. He gave her a small smile and moved away from the window. The door opened a second later.

"Come on in, Alex. It was good of you to come. Mom's in the back."

Alex followed the young man to an office at the back of the house. Mrs. Albertson looked up from behind a desk. Alex moved forward and the woman stood up, holding out her hand. Alex clasped it and the woman moved from around her desk to embrace her. Alex held her for a minute, then the older woman stood back, her eyes brimming with tears. Alex felt a bit choked up suddenly, but worked to overcome it.

"How're you holding up? Are you... Are you alright?"

"Yes, we're going to be fine. We'll get through this." She looked at her son and smiled. He nodded and smiled back.

Alex was impressed with their strength.

_How do they do it_?

She hoped she could get to that stage sooner rather than later.

They sat down in the living room and finally talked about everything that had happened. Alex questioned them gently.

"Are you... Do you feel at all cheated that he didn't get punished for his crime? That he won't be going to prison?"

Mrs. Albertson smiled.

"He got what he deserved. He paid the _real_ price for what he did. It's divine justice. I'm not sorry at all."

Alex nodded, pleased to find that Nick had been right about that one.

As she readied to go, Mrs. Albertson asked her to stay to dinner and she couldn't refuse.

Several hours and a lot of pasta salad later, Alex found herself going through the family photo albums with the Albertsons. Lisa had been a bit of a wildchild, apparently, but she hadn't had a mean bone in her body, and everybody had loved her.

"You should have seen all the people at her funeral..." Mrs. Albertson smiled sadly, but still with pride. "She had such a joy for life."

Alex nodded, but said nothing. She didn't want to intrude on the memory. She looked down at a picture of Lisa at Lake Mead with some friends. She still felt shocked at how much they'd looked alike... And suddenly she was overwhelmed with regret. She knew it hadn't been her fault, but still... She felt partially to blame somehow, just the same. Mrs. Albertson looked up as she heard Alex sniffle.

"Alex? Are you alright, dear?"

Alex tried to smile, but she ended up sobbing instead.

"_I'm just so sorry_. This never should have happened."

David looked back at her solemnly.

"No. No it shouldn't have happened. But it wasn't your fault Alex. You know that." He looked at her kindly and she almost felt worse.

"I know... It's just that it still hurts."

She sniffled again, unable to contain herself. She found herself feeling a new sense of guilt.

"God, I'm sorry for this too... You've been through so much and here I am making it worse."

David handed her a kleenex and she wiped at her nose.

"Alex, you've been through a lot too, don't forget that. And you know what? If you want to grieve, then you should grieve. Let it all out. Despise this man for what he did to you, for what he took from you... Then let it go. That's what we've done."

Alex looked at Mrs. Meadfield in surprise as she spoke. The older woman continued.

"You have to let it go or it'll eat you up. Just let it go. Don't let him trouble you anymore. He's gone."

Alex smiled through her tears at the incredible woman in front of her.

_She's right_. _It's time to let it go_. _It's over_.

* * *

As she drove home, she felt as if an unrelenting dark cloud had finally disappeared. She felt like she suddenly had a new lease on life.

And she knew how she wanted to start living...

She smiled as she approached Nick's house. She felt drained, both physically and emotionally, after the last few hours at the Albertson's home, but she was also desperate to see him again just the same.

She frowned in disappointment as she noticed his Denali wasn't in the driveway and all the lights were out inside his house.

_Hmmm_. _Maybe he's waiting at my house_.

As she rounded the corner, she felt her heart sink.

_Nope_. _Not there either_.

She went inside and checked her messages, smiling as she heard Nick's voice. He'd gone into work to see what he could find out about the case, but he wouldn't be too late, if she wanted to call him when she got home.

She deleted the message and called his cell phone. She went straight to voicemail.

* * *

Nick pulled out his phone in disappointment. He'd hoped she'd have called by now... Then he furrowed his brow.

_What the_...?

His phone was turned off.

_Damn_,_ it must have hit something in my pocket_.

He flipped it on and was excited to see that he had a message. He played it back, smiling.

"Hey Nick, it's me. I just got back and it's... Uh, 8:27. It took a little longer than I thought but... Wow, I'm just so glad I went. I feel... _better_, now. Anyway, we can talk about it later. I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but I'm going to try and watch a movie. Uh... I'll leave a key under the mat... If you wanted to come by; I'm just afraid I might fall asleep, so... Or I'll see you tomorrow if you don't want to come tonight. Um. OK. See ya."

He smiled as he made his way to his SUV.

_No_,_ Alex_. '_Fraid I can't wait until tomorrow to see you_.

* * *

He pulled the key out from under the mat, intending to chastize her for leaving it in such an obvious spot...

He stopped as he saw her curled up asleep on the sofa. He moved closer, his heart swelling as he watched her breathing slowly.

_Damn, she's beautiful_.

He stroked her cheek lightly. "Alex?"

She didn't stir. He flicked off the TV and scooped her up in his arms carefully. He was surprised it didn't actually cause him much discomfort. As he moved upstairs she woke up and leaned back from his arms slightly. She smiled sleepily.

"Nick. You came."

He smiled and caressed her brow with his lips. "Didn't want to be anywhere else."

She sighed happily and put her head back on his shoulder. As he placed her in the bed, she burrowed happily under the covers and he hurried to remove his clothes and climb in beside her. Half asleep, she yawned as she whispered in his ear.

"I missed you."

His heart skipped a beat as she curled up against him and went back to sleep.

_Yep, I do love her_. _It's official_.

He sighed as he realized he'd gotten a reprieve from telling her what he needed her to know... At least for now. But with each passing day, it was getting harder to think about telling her the truth.

_Tomorrow_, _no matter what_...

* * *

_**A.N**_: You're probably wondering, _Jeeze_..._ How much longer can she drag this damned thing out?_

Well, the truth be told, I'm going to be sorry to see them go, so just let me have whatever time I can manage with them... ;)


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note of Apology_....

Sorry for the delay guys- I've been seriously laid up, sick with a nasty virus, and then I had some problems logging into _Document Manager_. Anyway, here we go again...

* * *

Alex awoke to find gray light streaming through her window. She heard it raining gently outside.

_Huh_... S_ince when does it rain in Vegas_?

She looked over at Nick, still sleeping beside her. He was facing her, one arm thrown over her waist.

He looked just as handsome in his sleep, and she ran a finger softly across his cheek just to make sure he was real. She couldn't believe that this amazing guy was interested in her. She didn't know when karma had started to come around for her, but she would _never_ take this one for granted. He was one of the best things that had ever happened to her.

She watched him sleep for a little while, then got up out of bed. She made her way downstairs and made a cup of tea. She looked outside at the falling rain and smiled.

_Nothing can make me sad today_.

She finished her tea and headed for the shower.

* * *

Nick woke up and felt for Alex.

_Hmmm_. _Where'd she go_?

He sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning slightly. Climbing out of bed, he threw on his jeans and made his way downstairs barefoot and shirtless. As he passed the bathroom, the phone began to ring, and Alex poked her head out the door.

"Oh..." She smiled sweetly. "Hi."

"Hi yourself."

He leaned in and kissed her, enjoying her damp, tousled appearance. She smiled shyly, admiring his bare chest. As the phone continued to ring, he offered, "Want me to get the phone?"

"Could you? Thanks. I'll just be a sec..."

He grabbed the phone off the kitchen table.

"Hello?"

There was a pause. "Is Alex there?"

"Yes, she's just in the middle of something... Can you hang on a moment? She won't be long."

"_Nick_? Is that you?"

Nick was surprised by the question, then he clued in. "Yeah... Maddie?"

"Yeah, it's me. How have you been?"

Alex came out of the bathroom and looked towards Nick, talking on the phone. He seemed pretty involved in the conversation and she wondered who had called.

_Catherine, maybe_?

She shrugged and decided to run upstairs and grab a robe while he was talking, feeling a little vulnerable in just a towel. She returned a minute later and he smiled at her.

"OK, well here she is Maddie... Yeah, it was good to talk to you again, too."

He passed her the phone, and he grinned, his hand still over the receiver.

"Even _she_ knew the _whole _story... You're a very bad girl, Alex."

Alex looked up at him guiltily. "Oh, Nick... I'm sor-"

He hugged her securely and looked into her eyes. "It's _OK_. I'm just teasing you."

She smiled timidly and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm going to run home and clean up. I'll be back soon... If that's OK?"

She grabbed his hand before he moved too far away.

"Yeah, it's OK." She laughed and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Hurry back."

He gave her a toothy smile and went upstairs to grab his shirt.

She finally lifted the receiver up to her lips.

"Hey Maddie... sorry. How are you doing?"

She smiled at Nick as he came back downstairs, kissed her again, then made his way out the door.

* * *

Nick stood in the shower, feeling exulted and nervous at the same time. He was still riding on the high of being with Alex again, but he was anxious about the conversation he had planned when he returned to her house.

_It has to be done_. _I don't want anything to stand in our way now_.

He got dressed and attempted to build up his resolve as he walked back to her place.

_I need to tell her _now.

As he came around the corner, he saw Alex standing at her front door speaking with Alison, who stood under an umbrella. He made his way towards them, and he saw Alex's face break into a smile when she saw him.

_Man, I love it when she does that_.

Alex couldn't stop her heart from speeding up as she watched him walk towards her, damp from the rain.

_God, he's beautiful_.

Alison, noticing her friend's smile, looked back over her shoulder curiously and when she saw Nick, she felt a moment of surprise. Then he moved up beside her and said "Hi" before looking at Alex, who smiled at him like the cat who'd eaten the canary. Once Alex commented to him, "That was fast," Alison figured it out.

_Ahhhhh_. So, t_his is the guy_...

She smiled at Alex knowingly and she was gratified to see her blush.

_The hot cop_; _nice choice_. _No wonder she was so bummed before_.

"So, you're_ busy_ then?" She eyed Alex appraisingly again and she enjoyed watching her friend blush even more.

"Um, yeah. I think I am." She looked at Nick fondly.

"Well, I'll talk to you later then."

Alison gave Alex a look that said _you better call me later_, said goodbye to Nick and headed back to her car. Nick grinned at Alex from the front step.

"Mind if I come in?"

She held the door and smiled at him widely again. As they stood inside, she spoke up.

"Actually, I'm kind of hungry. I thought maybe I could buy you brunch? I owe you for all the fabulous pancakes. There's a cool cafe I go to by the campus..."

He nodded, laughing at her theories on _pancake debt_.

"Sounds great."

He looked at her slim fitting jeans and faded Rip Curl T-shirt. She looked sexier than hell and she probably had no idea.

"Are you ready now? You might want to bring an umbrella."

"OK. I have one in my trunk."

She grabbed her car keys and they climbed into her Toyota and made their way to the cafe.

After brunch, they took a leisurely stroll down The Strip, mostly barren due to the rainfall. They stayed close together under Alex's big umbrella, and neither of them minded the forced proximity one bit.

Nick considered telling her then, but decided it would probably be better if they were somewhere they could sit down.

_And somewhere_ _private, just in case_...

He shook off the negative thought and convinced himself that he wasn't trying to put it off; he was just being practical. Plus, he was enjoying just walking and talking with her. It felt so natural and comfortable and, well... _so right_. He was continually realizing how much he'd missed just being around her.

As they were pulling back into her driveway later, the earlier doubt and nervousness returned and he glanced at her from the corner of his eye.

_It's going to be fine, man_. _She'll be cool, I know it_.

He didn't notice that a few moments had passed. "Nick?"

"Yeah?"

She was looking at him from his door window. She laughed.

"You going to get out of the car?"

He shook his head, smirking. "Sorry. I was thinking."

"Yeah, I could see that. Everything OK?"

She felt a little uncertain as she asked him. This early into their relationship, she was scared he might still be having second thoughts...

He climbed out of the car and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they moved towards her front door.

"Never better, actually." He kissed her temple and she felt instantly relieved.

He was starting to mentally prepare for what he was going to say once they got inside. He felt a flash of panic as he stood on the entry mat.

_How the hell am I going to start this_?

Alex had moved to her phone and was checking for messages. She frowned as she played one back. Looking at Nick as she hung up, she voiced her surprise.

"That was from Lieutenant Foreman. He wants me to come in and make a final statement. They're completely closing the case."

Nick looked surprised as well.

_Man, it's like someone up there is trying to tell me something_. _I guess I'll tell her later_.

"OK. Well, he probably wants my statement too, then. Let's go."

* * *

"Really? When?"

"She finally succumbed to her injuries this morning." The Lieutenant smiled at the two people in front of him. "And that, as they say, is _that_." He grabbed a file from his desk. "So, all I need are your full recounts of the other day and I'm closing the book. Sound good?"

Nick grinned. "_Hell ya_. Let's do it."

Alex nodded as well. "Where do I start?"

* * *

It was getting on towards supper time by the time they finally returned home and Alex looked at Nick guiltily.

"Um, I'd offer you dinner but with everything that's been going on the last few days, I've been a bit distracted. I don't really have much in the way of actual _food_..."

Nick laughed. "We can just go to my place. I have lots. And I actually know _how_ to cook, incidentally..."

She whacked him on the arm and then tried to reprimand him but couldn't stop from laughing.

"OK, _fine_, but I have other talents..."

Then she blushed as she realized that once again, she'd spoken before she'd thought it through.

_One day I gotta get a handle on that_.

Nick smiled suggestively and nodded. "Oh, _I know_ you do, honey. _I know_."

She shook her head, smiling uncomfortably.

"Let's just go to your place before I say something else stupid and humilate myself some more."

He laughed again and put his arms around her. He looked down into her face, the sexy smile that was playing across his lips making her heart beat faster, despite her embarrassment.

"Alex, you should never feel humilated when it comes to your _talents_. There's nothing wrong with..."

She shoved her face into his chest, mumbling "_Shut up_!" as she giggled in embarrassment.

* * *

After dinner, Alex helped Nick load the dishwasher and thanked him for not making her do the dishes manually this time. He laughed and manoeuvered her towards his sofa.

"No, not today. You're off the hook."

As she moved to sit down, he realized it was _time_. He swallowed tensely.

_No more putting it off_.

She smiled at him, but noticed a tightness behind his eyes.

_He looks worried about something again_.

She tried to act like she hadn't noticed it and sat down, expecting him to join her. When she saw him still standing in front of her, she looked up at him uneasily.

"Nick?"

She tried not to sound as apprehensive as she suddenly felt. He clenched his jaw and looked altogether uncomfortable. Her pulse quickened, and she waited for him to speak.

"Alex, I... I need to tell you something."

She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.

_Oh no_... _this can't be good_.

Then she started to consider the possibilities.

W_as there someone else while we were apart_? _Does he want someone else more than me_? _But_...

"I know you heard something about me... _about my past_, and..."

He paused, as if trying to form the words. She frowned.

_What's he talking about_?

He exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously.

"I thought you should hear the whole story from me."

She looked at him, confused, but nodded anyway. "Um... OK?"

"Um... It happened a few years back..."

And he slowly went through the story from the beginning, even telling her how he'd first met Kristy, and how he'd briefly been a suspect in her murder.

Alex felt a moment of surprise as she realized that this was what Barnes had been talking about... And she also finally understood what Catherine's weird questioning that day had been about. Still, she said nothing, waiting patiently for Nick to get it all off his chest.

It was all so bizarre.

_Nick_... _and a prostitute_?


	13. Chapter 13

_**A.N**_: I actually had all of this ready when I put up Chapter 12, and I really wanted to put it up together, (I split the chapter into 2 separate ones b/c I thought it would be too long) but suddenly I couldn't upload to _Document Manager_ for some reason. Clearly they've been having some issues... Sorry- I didn't intend to leave you hanging there. It was an unintentional cliffhanger!

It's all good, anyway. And now...

* * *

He paced incessantly as he recounted his story and she was saddened as she saw how serious he looked...

_He must have really cared about this woman_.

As Nick told Alex how Catherine had finally saved both his job and his freedom by proving that Kristy's pimp had actually killed her, he looked at her closely, trying to see if he could judge how she was taking all this. So far, all she'd done was nod and look at him expectantly, waiting for more of the story. He couldn't sense if she felt anything at all.

"So... that's about it, I guess."

He didn't know what else to say. He tried to look at her calmly, but his heart was shouting from his chest:

_Tell me that you understand_,_ Alex_... _Tell me it doesn't make any difference to what you and I have_.

She didn't say anything and he stumbled.

"I... I just thought you needed to hear it from me... Before you... Uh, before we..."

He frowned awkwardly as he sat down on the edge of his coffee table in front of her, and she realized he was waiting for her to say something. She snapped out of her internal musings about what he'd told her and grabbed his hand.

"Oh Nick... _I'm so sorry_. That must have been so... Well, I don't even know how it must have felt for you. I'm just so sorry that it happened to you... and to your... your _friend_."

She didn't know what else to call her at this point. She wasn't even sure how she felt about that yet, to be truthful.

But her heart went out to him.

His throat tightened as she looked at him with gentle sympathy. He saw no revulsion, no disgust... There was nothing but compassion behind her glance.

"Alex, I..."

He found it difficult to speak all of a sudden. He leaned over to embrace her and she hugged him back tightly and whispered the words again in his ear.

"I'm so sorry, Nick."

And she quickly realized it didn't much matter _who_ he'd loved... Just that he had loved _someone else_.

She knew it was foolish to think there'd never been anyone else in his life, but she couldn't help herself. And she also recognized that it was a perfectly normal reaction. She could live with it, in the end. Besides, she hadn't exactly lived in a vacuum herself...

"I'm sorry you went through all that. It must have been so painful to lose someone you love that way."

His relief turned to surprise at her words, and he pulled back from her arms to look into her eyes, but she only smiled sadly at him. He suddenly wanted to make her understand.

"I... I don't know about _love_. I... We... We had a _connection_, that's for sure. But I hardly knew her. And I don't even know if she was telling me the truth about everything."

Alex was slightly confused.

_She must have meant more to him than he realizes_. H_e looks so sad_...

He shook his head.

"I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt about whether she was really going '_straight_' or not, no matter what her... No matter what the guy who murdered her said. She was gone. What difference did it make then anyway. And... I mean, it probably wouldn't have turned into anything more between us in the end... Who knows?"

Alex felt even more confused.

_If he didn't love her_,_ why is he telling me all this_? _What does this have to do with us_?

"Nick, I... uh, thank you for being so open with me about this... I really appreciate your honesty, but..."

She looked down at his hand momentarily before she looked back at his face.

"I'm not sure why you're telling me this _now_? I mean, you don't have to hide the truth from me. If you were in love with her it's _OK_. I wouldn't feel bad about it or anything..."

It was _mostly_ the truth, anyway...

He stared at her in wonder and then shook his head, chuckling.

"_Man oh man_... Alex, I didn't love her... I barely _knew_ her."

He knew it was true, especially since now he knew what true love _really_ was. He looked at her, his smile laced with regret.

"And I should have known... Trusted that you'd... I should have known that you'd understand."

"What are you talking about?" She smiled back, but her eyes revealed that she was more confused than ever.

"After I heard what Barnes had said to you-"

She interrupted him. "And how did you know about _that_ anyway? I never spoke to anyone about it...I mean, I'd almost forgotten about it."

He shook his head in bemusement.

"Catherine. Well, actually Jim Shelley told _her_... He was worried about you because you looked a little worse for wear after Barnes opened his big mouth..."

She continued to frown at him, still not understanding the significance. He attempted to clear things up.

"Alex, Barnes told you I'd been involved with a dead... a dead prostitute, then you got ill and had to rush home..."

She continued to watch him, waiting for clarification. He sighed.

"You found out about me and Kristy, you left suddenly, and then I didn't see you again after the ballgame... _and then_ you left me that voicemail..."

He looked at her as if to say, Are_ you making a connection here_?

"It seemed like you... Like you didn't want..."

She finally understood. "You thought... _You thought I_...?"

She looked abruptly distressed and stared into his eyes anxiously.

"Oh _no_, Nick... I didn't... I barely listened to Barnes, I swear... I was feeling so sick and he... Well, he's so full of shit all the time, I..." She shook her head desperately. "I didn't avoid you because of _that_, I swear. I would _never_ have..."

Tears rolled down her cheeks and he placed his hands on her face and looked her in the eyes.

"Alex, _I know_. _I know_ that's not why you... Why you did what you did. Catherine started to clue in after a chat with your friend Alison, and it gave me hope... It made me think that maybe we had a chance of getting back together _after all_."

She sobbed and put her hands tentatively on his arms, careful of his bandaged elbow.

"But you _did_ think it at first? You thought that's why I... Why I broke it off? _God_..."

He felt his heart breaking at her anguish.

_Jesus_, _I'm such an idiot_.

"Alex, this is _not your fault_. There's no way you could have known. It's all my fault... I should have known you would never do something like that... You'd never leave me like that without letting me try to explain. I was so stupid... Please... It was me, _my_ mistake. I'm so sorry."

Her brows went up at this last statement. "Sorry? _You're_ sorry? But _I _was the one..."

"But nothing. I should have _known_ better. I should have had more faith in you. You're not that sort of person... I couldn't have fallen _this_ deeply in love with someone who was like that."

It took her a moment to comprehend what he'd just said. And then she couldn't believe what she'd heard.

"W_hat_?"

Her eyes were incredulous.

He smiled tenderly. "I should have known that the woman _I love_ wouldn't have thrown away what we have so casually."

When she still didn't speak, he leaned in closer and whispered it again as he looked more deeply into her eyes.

"_I_ _love you Alex_... So much that I can hardly explain it."

The tears were flowing faster now and he continued to smile at her warmly as she struggled to speak.

"I... Oh, _Nick_... _I love you too_. I think I have for almost as long as I've _known _you..."

She smiled so genuinely through her tears that he felt as if he was going to fly off into a million pieces. She wiped at her tears with one hand.

"I love you so much."

His face just a breath away from hers, he whispered "_Me too_" before his lips captured hers.

She held onto him as tightly as she could, still not believing him even though he was kissing her so passionately...

_He loves me_? _Does he really love me_?

She kissed him with all the fervour of her pent-up frustrations and yearnings. He returned it with all of his own repressed emotions coming through, and the energy sparked through the two of them uncontrollably.

Nick's hand slid through her hair and he couldn't hold back his desire as he kissed her deeper and deeper. His mind seemed to be shutting down as he struggled to make himself almost a _part _of her.

She sighed into his lips and he pulled back with concern.

"I'm sorry Alex... Am I... Is this too much?"

"_God_, _no_... Please... No more apologies. I... _I _should be the one apologizing to _you_."

She ran a finger across his strong jaw and followed its progress regretfully. "When I think of all the stupid things I..."

"No, you're right: No more apologies." He smiled into her eyes, then kissed her softly, continuing to smile into her lips. She smiled back into his mouth and he pulled back slightly.

"_God, I love you Alex_."

Her heart lurched in her chest.

_He said it again_...

She couldn't stop her smile from increasing, and her pulse pounded with excitement.

"I love you too. I've never wanted to be with someone so much... I've been honestly _aching_ for you, Nick."

He continued to stare into her eyes, becoming more and more aroused at the desire he saw there. Desire, and _love_.

"I know exactly how you feel."

Alex swallowed as she regarded his intense gaze. A low fire began to burn below her stomach, stretching downward... She shivered and reached out a hand to touch his face again.

"I would have given anything all this time just to _touch_ you..."

He closed his eyes as her fingertips ran over his cheek, his neck and down to his chest. He drew in a rough breath and pulled her closer again, his mouth once again devouring hers.

She moaned into his mouth and then ran her fingers down his sides, her fingers sliding under his shirt to caress him. He felt pleasure flow through him at her touch, and he trembled as she pushed urgently at the fabric, trying to force it over his head. He stood as he yanked it off, pulling her up with him and drawing her hips tightly against his. She clutched at his back and he ducked his head down to her neck as his hands slid up her back.

They stumbled backward towards the hallway as he pulled her shirt over her head. He felt a catch in his breathing as he looked down at the soft flesh held beneath the pale pink material of her bra. As he stared down at her he suddenly felt himself stiffen unbearably. Her eyes were so dark now he felt a new sense of urgency.

His back came up against a wall and she moved in closer, running her hands down his chest again, massaging him eagerly. He ran his own fingers down to the small of her back as she kissed his throat, her hands still tickling over his chest. He moaned at the sensations, and she felt herself begin to pulsate...

Suddenly, as her hands slipped to his waistline, he groaned out loud and pulled her down the hall with him. He was about to drag her into the bedroom when he seemed to think better of it and redirected her into the bathroom.

"Sorry, there's something in here I need and I can't let you go right now..."

She laughed lightly as he grabbed the boxes he'd been looking for out of the medicine cabinet and moved back towards his bedroom.

As they moved up beside his bed, he sat down on the edge facing her. He pulled her onto his lap then turned on the bedside table lamp.

"I want to _see_ you."

She smiled shyly and thought about her scratches and bruises. He seemed to read her mind.

"I want to see you, Alex... Bruises and all."

She laughed. "You're telepathic aren't you?"

"I _wish_. I probably could have saved us a lot of lost time..."

She grinned sheepishly and looked down. He pushed her face back up lightly and smiled into her eyes.

"And I don't care about the bruises. You should see _mine_..."

He knew she'd start to worry again, so before she could protest, he put his hands over her behind and urged her legs around him. He kissed her softly on her neck as she moved to straddle him and she could feel his hardness beneath her. She felt herself growing damper with every passing moment...

His head dipped lower as his hands undid the clasp of her bra. She cried out softly as it dropped away and his mouth claimed one of her straining nipples, his tongue swirling around it erotically. Her back arched unconsciously, and he pulled back for a minute, wanting just to look at her.

She looked down at him questioningly and felt her heart flutter again at the longing in his eyes.

"God, you're _so beautiful_... I..."

His head dipped back down and he reclaimed her breast impatiently. She shivered with pleasure and he moaned as she pushed herself tighter into his lap. His hand slid down to the button on her jeans as his other hand pushed at her back, wanting her breasts closer to his hungry mouth.

As he pulled at her jeans button, she couldn't seem to stop herself from moving her hips ever so slightly back and forth... He gasped and fought to control himself as he undid the button. He pulled desperately at her zipper and as it went down he moved her sideways, placing her alongside him on the bed. She reached out her hand to touch his chest, not willing to lose contact with him and he kissed her sensually as he slid her jeans down her legs.

He pushed her gently over to lie on her back as her jeans dropped to the floor, his lips trailing downward, pausing at her breast once more and then moving to her midriff, just above her panty line.

He was stretched out beside her, and she gasped as he ran his fingers down her inner thigh, brushing the inner edges of her panties tantalizingly. She pushed her hips out reflexively and he moved his mouth lower still, his lips grazing the area beneath the band.

Alex clutched desperately at his shoulders, aching for what he was teasing her with...

"_Please_... _Please, Nick_...

She felt a jolt of pleasure rock through her body as he finally slid her panties down her legs and gently pushed her thighs apart, his mouth sliding down to the sensitive flesh below.

She cried out as his tongue found the tiny nub of skin there and began to circle it slowly. She clutched at his shoulders, trying to draw him further in...

He smiled as she moaned his name again, and he moved his tongue a little faster... She pushed her legs apart further and arched further upward, aching for him to taste her and hoping he never stopped.

His hand began to assist now and she felt her breasts throbbing painfully in anticipation. He began to massage her harder, and his tongue moved faster, feeling her swell against him and fighting back his own arousal, wanting to please her first.

He thought he might lose control when her hips suddenly locked forward and her arms flew over her head as the final ecstasy took over. He continued to taste her while her body pulsed beneath him, his own body quivering with excitement.

As she slowly came back to her senses, she could feel him kissing his way back up her body and she shivered at every touch, her skin feeling super-sensitive after the unrelenting onslaught of the orgasm.

When he finally looked down into her face, she reached up and pulled his head down to her and she spoke into his lips as she kissed him.

"I love you so much, Nick. I can't believe..."

He kissed her back passionately as he lowered his body onto hers.She felt utterly spent and completely blissful at the same time.

They rolled sideways to face each other and she continued to shower him with light kisses as she ran her fingers across his face tenderly. She looked into his eyes and felt mesmerized once again by the heat behind his glance.

She moved in and pulled gently at his lower lip with her teeth before kissing him fully again. She slid her hand down his chest slowly and he inhaled sharply into her kisses as she carefully ran a fingernail over the front of his jeans. She pulled the button open and quickly pulled down the zipper. His hips moved forward in response, as if longing for the touch of her hand, and his eyes closed tightly.

She felt a moment's hesitation as she worried about his bruised side.

He opened his eyes at the temporary halt to her movements and followed her gaze downward. He smiled at her concern and pulled his own jeans off. She sighed as she saw the bruise again and he moved his body in close to hers, staring into her eyes.

"Don't worry, honey. It looks worse than it is, I promise you... and it would hurt me _far worse_ if you stopped right now... I _need_ you..."

She smiled shyly, but it was still tinged with regret. She sighed.

"It's just that... You've risked so much for me... You almost _died _because of me... I can't..."

She shook her head slightly and he caressed her cheek.

"And I'd do it again in a _heartbeat_. I love you, Alex... I would never let anything happen to you."

She felt her heart welling up again and she couldn't repress the happiness his words brought her. She held him to her urgently.

"Oh Nick, I... I'd never let anything happen to you, either. _I'd do anything for you_."

He kissed her tenderly. "_I know_."

She felt her arousal suddenly mounting again as the kiss deepened, and she slid her hands down his sides, trying to carefully caress him. He sighed into her kisses and she knew he felt no pain.

As her hand slid past his hip again, he tensed and drew in a sharp breath as she touched his swollen erection. She had barely started to stroke him when he rolled onto his back suddenly and pulled her on top of him. She straddled him automatically, but was still surprised by his sudden movement.

"I'm sorry honey... I just _can't wait_... I need you too much right now."

She smiled down at him temptingly and began to slide herself across his erection slowly. He groaned out and grabbed at her bottom, pulling her tighter to him. She leaned back into a sitting position and reached down to guide him inside her...

They both cried out as he entered her and she began to move rhythmically up and down on top of him. His neck muscles began to stand out as he clutched at her bottom, his hips pushing up into her downward thrusts.

She felt herself approaching another orgasm as he moved faster and faster inside her. Her lower regions began to vibrate intensely in sudden rapture as the bliss rocked her body once again. Nick cried out as her inner muscles clenched around him and he felt himself exploding in a frenzied state of ecstasy...

* * *

She lay across his chest, their hips still locked together. She smiled into his chest, giddy at the sensations that still echoed through her exhausted body.

_If I didn't already love him_...

She shivered as she considered just how amazing their lovemaking had been; just like their first weekend together.

_I've never felt anything like this before_... _not_ ever.

He felt her tremors and kissed her forehead. "You OK?"

She lifted her face to his and smiled joyfully at him.

"I don't think '_OK_' even begins to describe how I feel right now."

He smiled back at her and rolled slightly so that he was facing her again.

"I know what you mean... I haven't... uh, _performed_ that quickly since I was a teenager."

He smirked self-deprecatingly. "I just couldn't seem to control myself... and it's all your fault."

She giggled as she ran her fingers across his chest. "Sorry... but not really!"

He caressed her body softly, unable to stop touching her. She smiled at him with sudden amusement.

"Did your teenage _moments_ have anything to do with Farrah Fawcett on Charlie's Angels? Or were you too young then?"

He looked aghast at her comment.

"I'm not _that_ old... and I preferred _Jacklyn Smith_!" He stroked her cheek tenderly. "I've always been a sucker for big brown eyes."

She smiled bashfully and snuggled into his arms, uncertain how to deal with all the love she saw behind his gaze. She felt overwhelmed... in a good way. She sighed happily as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and began to kiss her temple. She couldn't imagine how she'd managed all those weeks without him.

"Alex?"

She mumbled into his shoulder. "Mmmm hmmm?"

He pulled back slightly so he could look into her face. His eyes were still darkened with desire, but behind them she saw a touch of uncertainty.

"Do you think you'll really stay in Las Vegas after you've finished your teaching degree?"

Her heartbeat began to betray her, and she was certain he must feel it. She beamed at him and answered with all her heart.

"Yeah... I'm staying here. That is, unless _you_ move. Then I might have to follow you..."

He laughed happily and rolled on top of her.

"I might be able to show you another reason to stay, just in case you have any lingering doubts..."

His lips moved down her neck slowly and she moaned in sheer happiness.

_You're all the reason I need, Nick_.


	14. Epilogue

Nick was in the shower, smiling as he thought about how great his life was going.

Work was great as always, and he and Alex had been getting closer and closer with every moment they spent together. She never ceased to amaze him. He fell deeper in love with her every day and he was pretty sure she felt the same way. No matter when or where she saw him, she always gave him the biggest smile...

His heart warmed at the thought as he leaned into the warm spray of water, sighing appreciatively. He closed his eyes.

"_Nick_..."

He pulled his face from the falling stream and looked through the shower doors. He felt a ripple of shock.

_It couldn't be_...

He'd given her a key to his place, but it was Friday morning and she always had a class then.

As he moved his face nearer to the glass and peered into the bathroom beyond, he thought he saw a flash of movement...

His eyes widened as Alex slowly emerged from the mist, slowly removing her clothes as she approached the shower doors. She was smiling at him seductively and he felt the stirrings of arousal begin.

He smiled excitedly. "Alex?"

As the last of her clothing fell away, she slid the shower door open. She watched him, smiling as she slipped inside. He stared back in shock, uncertain if he could move. She raised an eyebrow at his shocked expression.

"My class was cancelled... Mind if I join you?"

As the spray reached her, he watched as the water dripped down her naked body, sliding down her breasts... His gaze was drawn to where the slight patch of down between her legs began to glisten, and the water streamed down her hips, her legs... He felt himself stiffening. 

He shuddered lightly.

_Am I dreaming this again_?

She moved closer, one hand outstretched. He drew in a breath as her fingers caressed his cheek. She lay her other hand on his chest and he was aching to touch her back... She looked at him quizzically.

"Nick, are you OK?"

She moved closer and looked at him closely with concern.

He laughed nervously and then pulled her tightly against him.

"Sorry... I thought you might be a dream... You're not going to disappear into the steam on me, are you?"

She smiled at him curiously, unsure of what to make of his odd behaviour.

"No... And I think I know how to prove to you that I'm _not_ a dream..."

Her stare became heated as she looked longingly at his mouth. As their lips finally met, energy pulsed through him and he pulled her more tightly against his throbbing body. He kissed her hungrily, unable to taste enough of her.

She clutched at him, matching his passion in her own kisses. His hands massaged her back and slowly slid down to her bottom, pulling her even closer against his erection. He groaned into her mouth, loving the feel of her against him again.

She pulled back from his mouth slightly and smiled shyly at him. Her hands slid down his wet chest, and then her head dipped down to follow their path. He shivered as her lips touched him, the sensation mingling erotically with the spray from the shower.

She began to slide lower down his body and he had to lean back against the wall for support as her tongue massaged his belly button, her hands clutching at his hips. He thought he might lose control as he felt her hands slide down his hips to his thighs and her lips trailed down below his stomach...

He felt instantly alarmed when he could suddenly no longer feel her touching him; he was afraid to open his eyes.

_No_... _Not again_...

Slowly, he looked down, unable to breathe...

And he saw her smiling up at him, naked, glistening and beautiful under the cascade of water. His relief was overwhelming and he drew in a ragged breath.

"Alex?"

She smiled teasingly. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were still awake. What, with all this talk about dreams..."

He laughed out loud in relief and was about to reach down and pull her back up for a teasing reprimand when suddenly she touched him again... He slumped back against the wall once more and smiled in elation as she began to love him slowly and sensually...

_God, I love her_...

* * *

_**A.N**_: I hope that ending satisfied you guys! Man, I miss them already... :(

Special thanks to Alex the fire girl, ForensicsFan, KCC, melliebee, sports-girl, the lonely way around and Yoodle for all your kind words and encouragement. And thanks to anybody who bothered to read it all.

I had fun!


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